April 2024, the storm before the calm
an exhausting month
I'm thinking about Palestine and if I just bruised my tailbone or if it might be broken. I'm wondering why the healing process is the same and if it even matters if I go to the doctor. I'm thinking I'll do it next week, after my event, the work one, the one that I don't like talking about in my personal life, which creates confusion when I'm unavailable to the people who are used to having me available to them because they don't know why I'm so busy. I'm wondering why everything happens all at once; like last year, I was moving, and this year, the dog died. On our last walk together, as she hobbled and hopped through the grass and I let myself cry freely in the Skagit County rain, I wondered if I should just take her. I imagined a life where she and I lived in the woods, and it didn't matter if she was incontinent because we were in the woods, and it didn't matter if I texted everyone back because we were in the woods. But neither of us is that rugged; the dog and I loved a cozy bed, a heating pad, and Gilmore Girls on the ipad. I'm thinking about every generation repeating itself, how brave young people are, and how I wish they didn't have to deal with this. I'm thinking about how lucky I am to travel overseas this summer for the first time ever. I'm wondering how social security can be less than monthly rent and wondering how my mom is ever going to be able to rest. I am mad. I am mad that we don't care about old people - and my mom is only 63 - and I'm mad that we don't care about young people, and I'm mad that we don't care about mothers and we don't care about fathers, and we don't care about families, yet all of my instagram ads lately are about fertility medications; as if I don't have a child because of fertility issues and not because of everything I just said. I'm thinking about how I'll afford my big plans and if I'll ever stop feeling a deep, guilty sadness when I think of Celia. I'm annoyed I'm sending my bookletter late. I'm annoyed my tailbone hurts so much, and I'm annoyed there are so many shows and so many streaming sites, and I'm annoyed twitter is still called x. I'm thinking about how I'm multitasking my life, writing this while feeling like I should be reading the books that are so overdue that the library has suspended my account. I'm thinking about how sad it makes me that the library is closed on Saturdays now because of budget cuts and staffing issues. I'm thinking about masks and the pandemic and my cousin Jacob. I'm hoping my brothers are each having a good day, and I worry that they may not be for no reason. My tailbone hurts. I'm thinking that I feel old. I'm thinking that I should set a timer and spend 20 minutes responding to my friends' texts; I'm hoping they know how much I love them even when our threads look like I'm ghosting. I'm thinking this is too long, and I should edit it down and get to the books already. I'm thinking that's exactly what I'll do. I'm wondering where my ibuprofen is.
Here’s what I read in April.
[Books I read]
The Story of Jane: The Legendary Underground Feminist Abortion Service by Laura Kaplan (originally published 1996) | Quick summary: A history of The Jane Collective, a group that helped people access abortion before Roe v. Wade.
Linked below is what I thought of The Story of Jane, but you have to pay me to read it.
You paid for this
You paid for this: The Janes with my friend Elizabeth
Jess Tholmer • Apr 8, 2024
I have a friend named Elizabeth Entenman, and she is a truly wonderful person. She is loyal, smart, sharp, funny, ~resilient—lol, I hate that word—and somehow strikes the balance of sister-mentor without ever being condescending. She's pretty and has wonderful taste in dogs.
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[nonfiction, abortion history, feminist history, written by a white american author and original member of Jane, medium-length read]
Like Love: Essays and Conversations by Maggie Nelson (2024) | Quick summary: A collection of essays, interviews, reviews, and profiles from 20 years of Maggie Nelson’s life.
There are a handful of authors I consider myself big and true fans of: Nora Ephron, Toni Morrison, Sam Irby, Willow Davis Roberts, Roald Dahl, Leslie Jamison, Maggie Nelson, Alicia Thompson, Kerry Winfrey, Isabel Wilkerson, Audre Lorde. Nelson first caught my attention when I read The Argonauts, and then I quickly read everything she wrote, especially about her aunt’s murder. The reason this collection is my least favorite of Nelson’s works so far is because it’s not about Nelson’s writing or really about her life. It’s about relationships, reviews, and conversations. It’s a great reference book but not a great read. As I come across and consume some of the writers, books, albums, and pieces of entertainment she writes on in this collection, I’ll be happy to pick this up and read what Nelson had to say about it.
[nonfiction, essay collection, art criticism, written by a white american author, shorter read]
Adult Children of Alcoholics: Expanded Edition by Janet G. Woititz (1983) | Quick summary: A reflective study of “adult children” from various family backgrounds who share the same characteristics because of parents struggling with addiction.
My therapist recommended this book to me, which I found interesting because I’ve been going to the same therapist for over four years, so we’ve very clearly discussed having an alcoholic parent, yet this book hadn’t previously come up. I didn’t technically grow up with my alcoholic father, though, but that’s the point—the effect is widespread, even if it wasn’t as present in my home as some kids who grow up with parents who drink. That said, most of the adults in my life struggled with addiction in some sense, and this book resonated heavily with me. The caveat for it being written in 1983 is that it does feel dated in places. Regardless, if your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, or adults in your life were addicts, this book will likely resonate with you.
[nonfiction, psychology, self-help, written by a white american psychologist and researcher, medium-length read]
Splinters: A Memoir by Leslie Jamison (2024) | Quick summary: A story about rebuilding a life after the end of a marriage in the early era of motherhood.
As I just mentioned, Leslie Jamison is among the writers I consider myself a big and true fan of. This memoir is exceptional, like everything Jamison writes. Though I’m not a mother and don’t plan on becoming one, I love reading about motherhood, child-rearing, and the like. Jamison weaves through early motherhood, the dissolution of her marriage, falling back in love, navigating friendships with big life changes, and art. Always art. I am grateful for the way Jamison thinks, writes, and shares. She’s also a very kind person. I was delighted to work her Seattle reading tour event with Third Place Books. I did not quite meet her, but I stood close by to overhear bits of genuine conversation between the writer and every person standing in line to have their book signed. My little brag is after the event, Jamison and I had a twitter exchange that led me to set my sights on one day buying these boots, which she’s been calling her “tour boots” because she wears them on every stop of the Splinters tour.
Last thing, the merch along with the book is a pair of splinters, and handing them out to each guest was delightful every time as the reference to the book’s title sank in. Splinters are a bitch, at least there are tweezers.
[nonfiction, memoir, written by a white american novelist and essayist, medium-length read]
Content Warning: Everything by Akwaeke Emezi (2022) | Quick summary: A poetry collection about home, abuse, survival, family, god, power, youth, and grief.
Everything Emezi writes is terrific, and I admire their ability to cross so many genres while staying uniquely true to their own writing style. From Pet (YA) to Dear Senthuran (memoir) to Fishwater (fiction), I'll read anything they write. As someone who admittedly struggles to "get" poetry, Content Warning: Everything still felt accessible to me, and I found myself in some words, lines, and pages. As I always do when encountering the mind and writing of Emezi.
[nonfiction, poetry, written by a nigerian writer and artist, shorter read]
[Books I heard]
Generation Friends: An Inside Look at the Show That Defined a Television Era by Saul Austerlitz (2019) | Quick summary: A behind-the-scenes look at the tv show Friends.
This has been on my TBR (to be read!) forever so I decided to pop into the audiobook and see if the narrator’s voice annoyed me or not. It did not initially, but ultimately, this audiobook was not great, and largely, it was because of the narrator. The book itself is kind of unnecessary. Other than the chapter about the famous salary negotiations, it’s less of a deep dive and more of an episode recap. If you’re writing a recap book, you gotta get someone who watches the show to narrate. The worst thing about this experience was hearing the narrator do Chandler’s lines - of which there are many in this book. He can’t do a Chandler impression, nor does he try!!, which is frustrating for someone whose brain is made up of Friends lines in the exact manner they were spoken. I have another Friends book that’s long been on my TBR. Maybe I’ll pick that one up soon to compare.
[nonfiction, television history, pop culture, written by a white american freelance writer, read by Barrett Leddy, longish listen]
The Wellness Trap: Break Free from Diet Culture, Disinformation, and Dubious Diagnoses and Find Your True Well-Being by Christy Harrison (2023) | Quick summary: A deep dive into modern wellness culture and all of its bullshit.
This book reminded me of Hey Hun, which I wrote about in March. (See below!)
March 2024, sand and spice
Jess Tholmer • Apr 4, 2024
I saw Dune: Part Two at the beginning of the month, which is what this subject line is about, but now that I'm sitting down to write this, I can't remember why this is what I thought I'd write about. I guess that said, my take on Dune is that Timothée Chalamet does not look like the biological son of Rebecca Ferguson and Oscar Issac, and I enjoyed the s…
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I have yet to read The Anti-Diet, Harrison's more well-known book, but after this read, I will. The Wellness Trap is great, but to me, it almost felt like a review or a reminder. I consider myself relatively competent in deciphering what's real and not regarding "diet culture" and "wellness," so nothing covered in this book felt revelatory to me. Not to sound holier than thou, but even when I wanted to be skinny and let myself buy into diet culture, I knew I was buying into something temporary, unhealthy, and completely unnecessary. I hate and have always hated "lifestyles" like whole 30, ketosis, paleo, and the like. I wish everyone would just eat foods in the way they prefer them to be prepared and never talk about their bodies. This book calls out many of those aforementioned diets and also has great insight into the most recent wellness traps like, uh, COVID stuff.
[nonfiction, health, self-help, written by a white american journalist, anti-diet dietitian, and certified counselor, read by the author, longish listen]
[What I recommend]
- If you want to learn more about the history of abortion: The Story of Jane by Laura Kaplan
- If your parents/adults in your life were addicts: Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet G. Woititz
- If you’re a poetry or an Akwaeke Emezi person: Content Warning: Everything by Akwaeke Emezi
- If you’re often duped by the next big thing in the diet industry: The Wellness Trap by Christy Harrison
- If you like to feel: Splinters by Leslie Jamison
