August 2023, i am 36

I’m a Leo but not a “birthday month” Leo. Once my birthday is over, I’m pretty over it, and while I love other peoples’ birthdays, I mostly just want to hang out on my birthday. The past few birthday celebrations have been chill—a pandemic, yes, but birthdays are just another day after 30 and before 40.

That said, one of my closest friends was going to Disneyland on my birthday this year. Inviting myself along worked out, so I was in the parks on my actual birthday, which was cute and fun. Mostly, I enjoyed seeing other people having a birthday (they’re usually wearing a pin) and saying, “happy birthday!” with just a little more emphasis than I usually would. If I love anything, it’s a birthday buddy.

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Disneyland was fun; the experience overall was more fun. As I get older and Disneyland changes and I change, it doesn’t quite hit the way it did when I first visited as an adult in 2014. Marvel and Star Wars have taken over a good chunk of the parks, and while I get how brands work, I don’t like seeing Thor walking around. I want to see Mickey, Minnie, and Donald walking around; I don’t want to see Lola Bunny from that cop propaganda movie. There are an abundance of Disney or Disney-adjacent stories I just don’t connect to anymore, and yes, I know I’m an adult. Still, I’d be surprised if movies like Luca and Elemental are sticking with kids these days the way Beauty and the Beast or The Lion King stuck with me.

There are also lots of capitalistic changes or natural progressions that I am not a fan of and make the park’s magic feel less magical. I like it when we’re all on the same page, not when someone with a lot of extra spending money can buy their way to the front of the Cars line, you know?

So I turned 36 in Disneyland and had a great time and left with a lot of things to ponder, like, is this the last time I’ll go to Disneyland? Is it worth it for me anymore? I was so tired afterward, and it was only one day. I got so motion-sick at the end of the night that I thought I would throw up in a bush outside the Jolly Holiday Bakery. I didn’t, but I woke up with a 101.7-degree fever two mornings after getting home. And then I embarked on my first COVID experience, another reason going to Disneyland is probably just not for future me.

I’m fine now. Tired—my god—but fine. Ready for my next booster shot! People asked me if I read a lot when I had COVID, and the answer was no. When you have COVID, laying there in between sleeping is the only option. No lifting books, no episodes of Lost. It’s boring. But regardless, here’s what I read before and after my stint of being too tired to hold a book.

[Books I read]

Whatever Happened to Janie? and The Voice on the Radio by Caroline B. Cooney (1991; 1996) | Quick summary: The next two novels in the Janie Johnson series following a high school student who realized she was being raised by her accidental kidnappers.
I’m still going on these Janie Johnson books! I’d read the sequel, but this was my first time with The Voice on the Radio, and I’m impressed at how Cooney carries the story out, vilifying perfect boyfriend Reeve and building up the familial love between Janie and her siblings. There are two left—September, here I come.
[fiction-mystery novel, YA, written by a white American author, shortish read]

Woman, Eating: A Literary Vampire Novel by Claire Kohda (2022) | Quick summary: Lydia is a biracial artist who happens to be a bit of a vampire and has to navigate living with her human and demon side.
I think I caught wind of this title from my oft-cited bookish friend Jill, The Book Bully. I’m not usually a vampire-girly or really anything supernatural, but the literary fiction of it all worked in this vampire story’s favor. Kohda is a fascinating writer, and while this novel is very much about a person who drinks blood, I was very drawn to the parallels between being biracial (in between two worlds) and being a human demon (in between two worlds). I read this too soon, though—it would be a great fall read!
[literary fiction, horror, written by a japanese-american writer and musician, medium-length read]

The Talk by Darrin Bell (2023) | Quick summary: A graphic novel detailing how “the talk” has shown up in a young Black man’s coming-of-age.
I love to head into the library even though I’m surrounded by books in my home. I was going to pick up a hold (Working, see below) and saw The Talk on the “get it while you can, lucky girl!” shelf. Grabbed it, loved it, enjoyed the illustrations and the copy, and almost bought it immediately after. Great graphic novel.
[nonfiction, graphic novel, Black history, written and drawn by a Black american pulitzer prize-winning editorial cartoonist and comic strip creator, medium-length read]

Working: People Talk About What They Do All Day and How They Feel About What They Do by Studs Terkel (1997) | Quick summary: An oral history of Americans’ working lives, from prostitutes to car factory workers to film critics to cops.
This is one of the longest books I’ve ever read. Most nonfiction books seem really long but actually have a large chunk of sources at the end that carve off sometimes hundreds of pages of the book. Not Studs Terkel’s oral history of work, though. Every page is full of the words of regular people, talking about what they do for work. Terkel talks to what feels like every person in the country—movie critics, car salesmen, servers, pilots, car manufacturers, engineers, prostitutes—you name it. I tend to enjoy uncut oral histories—they’re often unpolished and honest—and I especially enjoyed this one. It’s interesting to read the direct words of people from myriad industries decades ago and feel…like things are exactly the same! Relating to a direct quote from an old union steel guy in the late 1980s? Priceless. This is an epic study of humanity and work—and a beast of a read.
[nonfiction, oral history, cultural anthropology and human studies, written by a white american writer, historian, actor and broadcaster, long, long read]

[Books I heard]

On Repentance and Repair: Making Amends in an Unapologetic World by Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg (2022) | Quick summary: Repentance, atonement, forgiveness, and repair from harm—from personal transgressions to our culture’s most painful and unresolved issues.
A recommendation from my therapist and a fascinating, infuriating read. I’m not Jewish or religious in any way, but Ruttenberg’s thesis is rooted in the work of the medieval philosopher Maimonides, who I really enjoyed learning more about. There are a lot of frameworks out there to provide guidance on true repair and repentance, I’m sure. This book just really worked for me, and I wish, at least on a grand scale, that our country would spend more time repenting and repairing.
[nonfiction, relationships, jewish theology, written by a white award-winning author and writer, longer listen, read by Sara Sheckells]

Overground Railroad: The Green Book and the Roots of Black Travel in America by Candacy Taylor (2020) | Quick summary: A deep dive into “The Green Book,” a life-saving guide for Black people traveling through a segregated America.
I’ve never seen the movie Green Book for obvious reasons, but I have always been interested in the story. Instead of reading interviews and letters by the specific characters featured in the movie, I decided to see what I could learn about “the green book” instead and came across Taylor’s wonderful deep dive into the history of the traveler’s guide. And I’m glad I did.
[nonfiction, Black history, american history, written by a Black award-winning author, photographer, and cultural documentarian, longer listen, read by Lisa Reneé Pitts]

They Can’t Kill Us Until They Kill Us by Hanif Abdurraqib (2017) | Quick summary: A collection of essays using music and culture as a lens through which to view love, loss, race, and our world.
Abdurraqib is a phenomenal writer, and while I usually enjoy listening to audiobooks read by the author, I would have preferred to read this one with my eyes. Abdurraqib’s intro to some of his essays had very “Kanye West talking through Through The Wire” energy, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but really took me out of this collection of essays. I read this because it’s one of Sam Irby’s favorite books, and in the Book Riot challenge this year, there’s a “read one of your favorite author’s favorite books” category. I’m not a music buff so this collection of essays didn’t quite hit me the way it might hit someone who has opinions about music, but that said, Abdurraqib’s insights are super interesting and impactful.
[nonfiction, essays, music and culture, written by a Black American poet, essayist, and cultural critic, medium-length listen, read by the author]

The Secret Life of Groceries: The Dark Miracle of the American Supermarket by Benjamin Lorr (2020) | Quick summary: How groceries and supermarkets really work.
This has been on my TBR since it came out and while waiting for audiobook holds to come through, I went searching for something to bide my time. Lorr reads his own audiobook and has an entertaining, captivating voice. He’s also done a great job researching and retelling stories about Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods, and food delivery drivers. Fantastic.
[nonfiction, food industry, written by a white American author, medium-length listen, read by the author]

[What I recommend]

• If you’re feeling nostalgic for a 1990s-era series: Caroline B. Cooney’s The Janie Johnson series
• If you’re building your Halloween TBR: Woman, Eating
• If you have ever hurt or been hurt and/or if you’re a white person: On Repentance and Repair: Making Amends in an Unapologetic World
• If you love oral histories and/or are interested in working Americans: Working: People Talk About What They Do All Day and How They Feel About What They Do

Fine, let’s head into fall now. Read a book next month! Tell me about it! Love you.

“Jodie decided if you put your mind to it, you could hate everybody on earth for something.” Whatever Happened to Janie?

“It came to Janie Johnson that Reeve Shields was a soft person from a soft world. When he ran into a hard decision, he made a soft one. Whereas she, and Jodie, and even Brian—age thirteen—were hard, because theirs had been a hard world; and when they ran into hard decisions, they knew how to make a hard choice.” The Voice on the Radio

“‘Just let it go,’ can become an adaptive strategy in a culture that doesn’t have other meaningful mechanisms to offer after a rupture of relationship or care.” On Repentance and Repair

“We’re apart now. Properly apart. And I feel I can finally start my life. But the burden of her loneliness feels like it’ll never leave me.” Woman, Eating

“I was constantly astonished by the extraordinary dreams of ordinary people.” Working

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