December 2021, and how are we to be

There’s a tweet or meme or whatever we call stuff these days that I’ve been thinking about a lot. (I don’t know the proper terminology when so much stuff shows up everywhere?? Is it a tweet if it’s a screenshot of a tweet I saw in an instagram story? Is an overused screenshot from a popular TV show a meme?) Now I sound absurd because here is a link to a literal tweet so obviously it’s a tweet not a meme but I’m going to scoot forward to my point.

It’s hard to sit down and write a monthly recap, which ends up being a bit of a yearly recap every December, without referencing (and usually getting mad at) how the year itself went. It’s not too big of an assumption to say 2020 and 2021 aren’t going down as “good years,” though it’s increasingly clear this will be an era, not just a couple of individually awful years. Without sounding like an “ugh this is 2020’s fault, 2019 would never” person, I’m a reflector. I enjoy observing months and years as their own little capsules in time. I like a little recap. I just upgraded my Letterboxd subscription so I could see which actor and director I watched most this year. (You’ll never guess — Christina Ricci and Brian de Palma.)

December was probably the busiest month of my life with a sudden slowdown toward the end when I declared I would be off of everything. I have essentially three jobs and the full-time one was hell with so few coworkers “on the clock.” The abortion landscape is gnarly right now (always), and I was even busting my ass for my side-job harder than I should. The news has been horrendous, which isn’t even remotely new, but there’s a very heavy dread in the air right now as new variants of COVID-19 spike, the weather is near catastrophic, and we’re being forced to pretend This is Fine as it becomes increasingly clear that our capitalistic society is never going to free us from the burden of being little fucking lemmings.

We don’t take care of each other, and in turn, that ends up looking like such anxious fury. Everyone yells at each other as we all have (and encouraged to have?) a variety of “comfort levels” in a life-altering pandemic. It seems like it’ll take a mass riot to actually make a single change now or in the future. Everyone needs to quit their jobs, everyone needs to stop paying rent, everyone needs to never give another fucking useless nickel to their student loans, everyone needs to put their foot(s?) down and firmly say no to everything.

But we’re not going to do that. It’s been an exhausting full two years of being let down, redefining boundaries, anxiously approaching family members and friends, waiting with bated breath about a “return to the office” that makes no fucking sense. It’s been a shitty year, two years, it’s going to be another, and honestly, my whole life has been treading water against the wild waves of class consciousness, capitalism, and white supremacy, it’s just weird to have it be the forefront of conversation.

From Passing: “Actually they were strangers. Strangers in their ways and means of living. Strangers in their desires and ambitions. Strangers even in their racial consciousness.”

I feel like we’re all strangers. Anyway, I hate it here. This is why I read.

[Books I Read]

The Cosmopolitans by Sarah Schulman, published 2016 | Quick summary: Bette and Earl are an unlikely best friendship pairing, as he’s Black and gay and she’s single, white, and “older” in the late 1950s. Chaos ensues when her cousin comes to town.
I was inspired to read this as I scurried to finish the Book Riot 2021 challenge. I selected this for “read a historical fiction with a POC or LGBTQ+ protagonist” and don’t remember why I picked it up and knew nothing, of course, of Balzac's classic novel Cousin Bette because, though I hold a degree in English Literature that I paid $34,000 and counting for, I don’t know a thing about "~classic lit.~ I did really enjoy The Cosmopolitans and found the characters to be equally relatable and horrifying as human beings. I highlighted a lot of passages. I’ll probably read the Balzac.
[historical fiction, American lit, written by a queer, white American woman, longish read]

Indian Horse: a novel by Richard Wagamese, published 2012 | Quick summary: The story of a young First Nations kid who survives a fucked up residential school, largely due to his love of and natural talent for hockey.
I also read this for the 2021 BR challenge and was stunned at how much I loved this. It was like Fredrik Backman’s Beartown but more interesting and written better and much more nuanced and easier to follow because we’re just kicking it with one protagonist instead of multiple. I was very drawn to Wagamese’s writing style and think his character and scene building is lovely. He passed a few years ago but I’ll be seeking out more of his work.
[literary fiction, written by a Wabaseemoong Independent Nations Member in Northwestern Ontario, shorter-read]

Queer: a Graphic History by Meg-John Barker, illustrated by Jules Scheele, published 2016 | Quick summary: Well, an illustrated history of queer theory.
I got a little into graphic novels this month, or year, really. I think I read five over the course of 2021 and I find them to be a fun break from a traditional novel and have been tickled to realize there are so many wonderful choices out there. For the BR challenge, I chose this graphic novel for the “read an LGBTQ+ history book,” and ended up reading it the week bell hooks passed and welled up seeing her image. [literary criticism, graphic novel, written by a white nonbinary English writer, illustrated by a white nonbinary Scottish artist]

Gandhi: A Manga Biography by Kazuki Ebine, published 2011 | Quick summary: A history of Gandhi’s life
I was getting down to the wire time-wise and am dedicated to my goals (lol, sometimes) and decided to read a couple more graphic novels to round out the BR challenge. For “read a book by/about a non-Western world leader,” I picked this up and read it on my phone in the middle of the night when I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. Gandhi was cool.
[nonfiction manga, graphic novel, written by someone I can’t find any information about but they’re a Japanese manga artist]

The Sacrifice of Darkness by Roxane Gay with Tracy Lynne Oliver, Rebecca Kirby, and James Fenner, published 2020 | Quick summary: A miner and his family are blamed for the loss of sunlight, and thus happiness.
You get it at this point and who cares but this was also for the BR challenge and I went with a graphic novel for time-sake. I thought this was really pretty and a great story? It’s based off of a Roxane Gay short story and this and the Gandhi book are technically for young adult readers but hey, I am young at heart. (I am not, I just like YA books.)
[nonfiction manga, graphic novel, written by a queer Haitian-American and a white American woman, illustrated and colored by some folks, short read]

Seven Days Of Us: a novel by Francesca Hornak, published 2017 | Quick summary: A dysfunctional family has to quarantine together for Christmas.
Note: This was set and written pre-COVID-19 pandemic. I always hope to make space for a fun Christmas novel, and this year, I did it, but unfortunately this is a book about a literal family who has to quarantine because of a virus during the holidays and I read it as a real life pandemic rages on during the holidays. I think for that reason, I wouldn’t hastily recommend it but it’s a testament to Hornak’s writing that I found it very enjoyable in spite of the circumstances!
[humorous fiction, novel, written by a white, British woman]

[Books I Heard]

The Ugly Cry: A Memoir by Danielle Henderson, published 2021 | Quick summary: Danielle tells her story of growing up being raised by a cantankerous grandmother while discussing what family can really mean.
Danielle Henderson can tell a story. This book was on my radar but with a specific recommendation from Kerry Winfrey (author of a lot of books you should read!!) bumped it to the top of my list. As y’all know, I like to listen to memoirs and hearing Henderson speak her stories to life was a joy, especially in a busy month where I spent a lot of time driving in thick clouds of rain and piles of snow with my knuckles tight around my steering wheel. Henderson’s coming-of-age stories shine light on growing up being raised by grandparents, childhood trauma, sibling stuff, parent stuff, and being a Black person. Essentially, all of the things I like to read about!
[nonfiction, memoir, written by a queer Black American woman, longer listen, read by the author]

Dog Songs and a Thousand Mornings by Mary Oliver, published 2014 | Quick summary: Literally just Mary Oliver writing adoringly about dogs.
When a famous person dies, we’re blessed with quotes and texts and essays and pieces they’ve written. When Oliver died in 2019, I read so many bits and pieces of her words, slowly discovering how much she meant to so many people. Also for the BR challenge, I sought out a book of Oliver’s poems that I was much less familiar with. This is really about dogs, and nature, and what loving dogs means, and who dogs are, and why the trees represent so much. I’m not a poem person and listening to poetry on audio is even harder to fully grasp — but this is a sweet hour+ where you get to hear Oliver speak to and for her dogs, which is really accessible, even for non-poetry people.
[nonfiction, poetry, written by a queer white American woman, short listen, read by the author]

Punch Me Up to the Gods: A Memoir by Brian Broome, published 2021 | Quick summary: a coming-of-age memoir
Memoir was my leading genre this year and it’s because I fucking love people’s life stories, okay? Broome’s is gorgeous, hard-to-hear, honest, and the audiobook itself is a genuinely good listening experience. Couldn’t have ended the year on a more up-my-alley audiobook.
[nonfiction, memoir, written by a queer Black American man, long listen, read beautifully by the author]

[What I Recommend]

If you like stories about fucked up friends and family: The Cosmopolitans (and Seven Days of Us but I warned you about quarantine and the virus!)

If you’re a memoir reader: Get your hands or ears on The Ugly Cry and Punch Me Up to the Gods

Just please read: Indian Horse

Extra letter coming your way tomorrow! Don’t be an idiot tonight and HNY.

✌️

“People are moved by happiness. She felt moved herself when she realized that happiness is more than getting through without pain.” The Cosmopolitans

“Don’t know what I want to do. Just want to work on the idea of what’s possible.” Indian Horse

“Had anything wrecked families, relationships, bloody normality more efficiently than the Internet?” Seven Days of Us

“You may not agree, you may not care, but

if you are holding this book you should know that of all the sights I love

in this world — and there are plenty — very near the top of the list

is this one: dogs without leashes.”

Dog Songs and a Thousand Mornings

“It is only through your own lived experience that you will learn that living on the outside of 'normal' provides the perfect view for spotting insecure and flimsy principles camouflaging themselves as leadership or righteousness.” Punch Me Up to the Gods