December 2022, i smell ice
flakes, flurries, swirls, crystals
This year ended in such a rush even though December was more frigid than ever. Here, we had snow and then an ice storm. Everything was cold and sharp and grounding. With too much time to reflect, I soaked in my grief over losing Mackenzie and was hollowed out as the realization that my small friend Walter will not live set in. Sets in? Knowing that a child is going to pass away is one of the grossest, worst feelings I’ve ever encountered. It’s shifted my priorities and centered my friendships in ways I’m grateful to be able to navigate but infuriated that any of us have to. Amidst it all, I was presented with a whirlwind of decisions that were easily made, some business and some personal. I’m taking the wins as they come, or rather, chasing the wins until they do.
For more information on DIPG, read here. For information about Walter’s specific journey, read here. Prayers and thoughts and well wishes and love are welcome but please don’t be fucking weird to his parents or anyone in your life caring for a sick family member.
A hard turn here to books, which will save us all. I appreciate a good challenge which is why I am embarking on both a dry January and 31 days of yoga and it’s also why I decided to try to finish four books in two days to complete the 2022 Book Riot challenge. And I did it! Well listen, I finished the last of the four books today, January 2nd, but I’m counting it because I do not think the Book Riot people will care and it’s not like I even win anything other than a small percentage of a bookstore shop where I usually buy someone socks.
Before we get to books, maybe your new year’s resolutions include supporting more substacks? If so, ahem.
Here’s what I read in December.
[Books I read]
The Last Samurai by Helen DeWitt (2000) | Quick summary: The story of a little boy on a quest to find out who his father is.
This may seem like an odd choice for me but a) I’ve always been interested in Helen DeWitt b) I will read anything, certain people, in this case, my boyfriend, recommend c) now I get to watch a Tom Cruise movie I haven’t seen yet. To my delight, I enjoyed this novel which was sprinkled with surprises I didn’t expect, most often in form of literary and cinematic references. Part of why I read this novel was to preface watching Akira Kurosawa's Seven Samurai, which Ludo’s single mom shows him in place of a father figure in his life. The movie is long but excellent with a very fun score I enjoy listening to while I’m driving.
[literary fiction, family, written by a white American novelist, long read]
Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion by Gabrielle Blair (2022) | Quick summary: 28 arguments about why cis men should take full responsibility for pregnancy, especially unwanted pregnancy.
I like books about abortion and very much enjoy looking at the third row of my teal book cart and seeing my little collection which continues to grow. I haven’t decided if I’ll keep Blair’s book in my collection or not though. While I hated it, it’s a really pretty book and the formatting is interesting and accessible. Blair has a disclaimer about gender binaries at the beginning of the book but in a way that excuses her from people being able to critique the lens through which she’s writing this book. I don’t even enjoy being nit-picky but this isn’t that. By saying “I acknowledge that there are more than two genders but I am going to write this book about cis people having heterosexual sex,” it immediately dismisses the extreme reality of the fact that a lot of people who have abortions aren’t cis women and they aren’t being forced to have an abortion because a cis man didn’t want to use a condom. Blair’s thesis is also one I don’t believe in. She writes from the perspective of reducing the number of abortions and fantasizes about required vasectomies and the like. I want abortion to be accessible and treated as normal as any other reason you’d go to your doctor. I want abortion pills to be like ibuprofen. I’m not in the business of decreasing the number of abortions or shaming people with dicks for something their dick has to do. The last complaint I’ll say is this book felt anti-sex—Blair makes the argument multiple times that “men” can ejaculate any other place than inside of a “woman” and frames it as something only men desire. Bums me out that people think only men are experiencing pleasure from any specific sexual act! Anyway! Don’t learn about abortion from this book!
[nonfiction, abortion read, written by a white “designer and mother of six,” short read]
Beloved by Toni Morrison (1987) | Quick summary: Sethe’s home is haunted by the ghost of her dead, nameless baby, whose tombstone reads “Beloved.”
I’ve read Beloved once before but was inspired to pick it up again because of the Book Riot challenge I was hurriedly finishing. Beloved came out the year I was born, which makes me fond of it. I enjoy knowing what films and books and shows arrived the same year I did. Beloved is so complex and heavy, one of Morrison’s most famous and best novels. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it plenty of times again in this specific newsletter—anything focusing on mother/daughter relationships is for me.
[literary fiction, American classic, coming-of-age, written by a Black American novelist, average length novel but a deeper read]
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck (1937) | Quick summary: George and Lennie are hunting for work when they come across an opportunity that goes awry.
I own this book but had never read it so I counted it for “read the book that’s been on your TBR the longest.” It’s sad. And now I will put it in a little free library.
[literary fiction, novella, American classic, written by a white American novelist, short read]
Miss Chloe: A Memoir of a Literary Friendship with Toni Morrison by A.J. Verdelle (2022) | Quick summary: A.J. Verdelle’s real-life friendship with Toni Morrison serves as part biography, part memoir.
The reverence for Toni Morrison is well-deserved, and even more special when coming from a real-life friend. I enjoyed getting to know Verdelle through her words, interwoven with her friendship with Morrison and Morrison’s own story. Beautifully done.
[nonfiction, biography, Black literary studies, written by a Black American novelist, medium-length read]
[Books I heard]
Hysterical: A Memoir by Elissa Bassist (2022) | Quick summary: Elissa Bassist’s experience of chronic pain is largely the result of internalized fury.
I don’t remember why I put this on hold and maybe one of my new year’s goals should be to write stuff like that down more often. Regardless, it was deeper than I anticipated based on the fact that it was written by a white comedian. Bassist does a decent job weaving history, sociology, and her personal story without being obnoxious. I laughed, I wanted to cry but the zoloft doesn’t let me, I raged.
[nonfiction, memoir, humor, and feminist theory, written by a white author, editor, ex-girlfriend, and teacher, read by the author, felt like a short listen]
Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May (2020) | Quick summary: Essentially why humans should get to hibernate.
My therapist recommended Wintering to me a few months after we’d started our sessions and it’s one of the reasons I knew I liked her. Not just because Wintering is a really good book that many people enjoy, but because it is the perfect book for me. I feel seen by Katherine May and I enjoy the memoir bits and the nature bits and the inspiration I feel while reading it. I read it digitally the first time but enjoyed Rebecca Lee’s narration so much as well! And now I own a physical copy because if you’ve read a book twice, you should own it.
[nonfiction, memoir, self-help, written by a white British internationally bestselling author and podcaster, read by Rebecca Lee, medium-length listen]
The Storied Life of A. J. Fikry: A Novel by Gabrielle Zevin (2014) | Quick summary: A lonely, grouchy bookstore owner adopts a kid, and a lot changes after that.
My friend Becca and I were just talking about how we don’t often listen to fiction audiobooks, or rather, the circumstances have to be just right. Immediately after we had that conversation, I wondered if I could find a well-read fiction novel that takes place in a bookstore for the challenge. And I did. Scott Brick’s voice was lovely and this fiction novel was quaint and tragic. That all said…I should stay away from fiction audiobooks because I had to rewind multiple times.
[literary fiction, romance, written by a biracial New York Times best-selling novelist, read by Scott Brick, medium-length listen]
Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl's Confabulous Memoir by Kai Cheng Thom (2016) | Quick summary: A novel that reads like a memoir about a transgender woman who leaves home and keeps in touch with her sister through letters.
I knew this was fiction while reading it but it read like a memoir for people who have no problem suspending reality. I knew it wasn’t realistic that Thom had killed a cop and was casually writing about it in her memoir but I was caught up in the magical realism of it all. Thom is a fun and honest writer. Her pride, loyalty, and protectiveness of her story and her community all shine through this surreal little novel. (It’s an enjoyable listen too!)
[fiction, memoir-esque, lgbtqia+, written by an East Asian Canadian trans writer and internationally published, award-winning author, read by Adri Almeida, short listen]
[What I recommend]
- For people who like to read the book first: The Last Samurai
- For everyone: Beloved by Toni Morrison
- For Toni Morrison heads: Miss Chloe
- For people who also think winter is a time for everyone to leave you alone: Wintering
- Reading a lot this winter
- Soup
Wish me luck with the yoga.
