January 2020, a very long month

I've never done one of these things, but I have thought about it for a long time. I subscribe to a handful of letters and I read them, all, always, from beginning to end because I truthfully miss and much prefer the days of blogs to the days of social media. I know they crossed paths, but the days of blogs felt more pure, when things were new and interesting. Now, we've all heard everything from everyone, a dozen times over, and even this is something other people do. But I don't want to be on twitter anymore and that's where I talk about stuff, so this is going to be an outlet for me and hopefully a way I can still feel connected to some of you.

I have always been a big reader, which big readers always say. I grew up reading, I started to read really young to keep up with my big brother, who consumed books like soda, he just could never get enough. He walked around town with a backpack full of books and CDs, always ensuring he had something to read or listen to or both. One of my saddest memories, and I don't even know why because he didn't get hurt, was when I was on the phone with him when I lived up north and he lived down here, still with our family. The cops stopped him because my family lived in a wealthi(er than us) town and they thought he looked suspicious because he was approaching a house, though it was the house he lived in, my mother's house. I was angry on the phone, barking orders at him to tell them to fuck off, but he didn't, because Black men can't say that to cops without it being a legit risk of their lives. They made him show them what was in his backpack, and he said "yes, sir" and he showed them what was in his backpack and it was just a few books. Not one book, because who carries just one book? What if you finish it and then don't have another book. They let him go (is that the right terminology when someone didn't do anything wrong?) and I have never forgotten the moment because I learned that my brother really has to be nice to people who are not nice to him or he could lose his life, and also because I have never let the image of a young Black man being harassed for carrying a backpack of books around with him as he simply tried to walk home from the bus stop after a long day at work.

Anyway, this letter's purpose will be books. I read a lot, some of you know that, some of you will soon learn. I don't have a lot of things to say about every book I read, but I like to encourage people to pick up a book from time to time. If you haven't done it in awhile, it might heal you. Here's what I read in January.

Physical Books

• What Burns by Dale Peck

  • I don't often seek out books written by white men but I screenshotted a close friend's instagram when he read this one and I trust his taste and he was not wrong. It was very good, some stories sticking with me much stronger than others.
    [short story, fiction, white guy, quick-ish read]
    

• The Bird King by G. Willow Wilson

  • This had been on my book stack for over a year, a gift to me when I broke my shoulder and lots of people handed me things to read while I healed. I let it sit too long. If I'm honest, the length intimidated me, it is slightly longer than I prefer and certainly not the genre I seek out most often. But I liked it, quite a bit, and wish they would make it into a series like Game of Thrones but more inclusive and interesting.
    [novel, fiction, fantasy, white (I think, I'm sorry if I'm wrong!) woman, longer read]
    

• Without Apology: The Abortion Struggle Now by Jenny Brown

  • I am an abortion advocate and I have had an abortion and I am very pro-abortion and I like to read books about it, old and new, so I stay as knowledgable as I believe myself to be. I liked this one, but I do wish Brown -- and all people -- would start to really be inclusive in the way they talk about abortion being for everyone, and not just something that affects cis women.
    [novel, nonfiction, white woman, quick-ish read]
    

• Americanized: Rebel Without a Green Card by Sara Saedi

  • Picked this one up because I am trying to complete Book Riot's challenge this year and was inspired to seek out a YA nonfiction book. This was an incredible one. Hilarious, really didn't feel exclusively geared to young adults, and I unexpectedly sobbed in the last half. The way we talk about immigrants in this country, yes now, but also always, is something that deeply upsets me now more than ever, and I'm assuming most of you agree. Saedi's words are so funny and good and smart and honest and we're the same-ish age so her coming-of-age felt like mine, but more.
    [novel, nonfiction, Iranian woman, quick-ish read]
    

• Her Body and Other Parties: Stories by Carmen Maria Machado

  • A reread for me, which is exciting because I am allowing myself to revisit books this year now that I have been a bit of a reading machine for a few years now. I tried this audio but it's not read by Machado and it is bad, so I finished the book with my eyes instead of my ears. It's just as good as I remember. I can effortlessly say Machado is one of my favorite writers.
    [short stories, fiction, Cuban-American woman, take your time reading this]
    

• Our Nig: or Sketches from the Life of a Free Black by Harriet E. Wilson

  • Inspired by The ZORA Canon, I picked the first book of their list. I have read a lot of books by Black people, Black women in particular. I studied African American literature in college and I read a lot of Black literature before I went to college, and I identify primarily as Black. But I had never picked up Wilson's book before. It was exquisite.
    [novel, sort-of-fiction-but-kind-of-not, Black woman, not a long read but you'll go down a rabbit hole reading about it]
    

• What You Have Heard is True: A Memoir of Witness and Resistance by Carolyn Forché

  • This was a challenging read, a book I would not necessarily pick up if I didn't like to challenge myself, but I'm glad I do. The true story of a young poet who nearly inexplicably gets rooted deep into the beginning of a war in El Salvador. It wasn't easy to read, both intellectually and length-wise, but it sunk into me and I think of it often.
    [novel, nonfiction, white woman, a long read]

Audiobooks

• Inside Out by Demi Moore

  • I chose to listen to this because I like listening to celebrity audiobooks so I can hear their stories, like they are talking right to me. Demi Moore is amazing, she is honest and vulnerable, and the sound of her voice, the actual sound of it, soothes me deeply.
    [novel, nonfiction, celebrity memoir, white woman]
    

• Shame is an Ocean I Swim Across by Mary Lambert

  • Again, inspired by Book Riot's challenge, I listened to a poetry audiobook. I like Mary Lambert's singing voice so I assumed I'd like her speaking voice. I did. It was lovely. Poetry is not 100% what I prefer so the book did feel a bit long at times, but some poems were so poignant and lovely and her voice is strong.
    [poetry collection, nonfiction, memoir, white woman]
    

• The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning by Margareta Magnusson

  • I'm kind of into death, which isn't a thing a lot of people probably know about me, so I loved this one. It didn't apply to me, as a person too young to death clean and as a person with parents who don't own anything, but it was enjoyable and gave me a few things to think about.
    [novel, I guess, though it feels more like essays, nonfiction, white woman]
    

• Shrill: Notes by a Loud Woman by Lindy West

  • Another reread for me, though I listened instead of read, which I hadn't done previously. Lindy West is one of my favorites. She's funny and smart and thought I take issue with her perspective sometimes, I mostly just think she's the coolest. Shrill was great, on page and in audio form, and yes, the show is very good too.
    [essays, nonfiction, memoir, white woman]

What I Recommend

I liked all of these, but what I would say you must read is Her Body and Other Stories, Shrill, and Americanized.

My letter won't always be this long. January was forever and I was sad a lot and I listened to way more books than usual and also read so many books because the month felt never-ending so I just kept going. If you hate this but want to see what I've read, I have an instagram. See you soon, for February.

Thank you for being here.