January 2022, and joy comes in the morning

Before I get into it, a reminder that I have a paid option for Completely Booked now! You’ll get additional newsletter(s) including one coming this week.

I read a lot of books about grief for someone who hasn’t experienced very much death. My baby brother’s dad, the only father-figure I ever had, was murdered at the end of 2005. I was three weeks into my first year of college and didn’t know how to grieve, I just knew how to stay busy. All these years later, I find myself deeply moved by books centered around loss, love, and grief. It’s not necessarily because we lost Gene that I’m drawn to sad. I’m just one of those people, always kinda sad.

Speaking of grief, Bob Saget is dead and it has made me unbearably sad. In one of her tributes to the man on instagram, Candace Cameron Bure, the exception to all of my personal rules, wrote “my whole childhood is wrapped up in you.” It’s much more literal coming from her but reading that line, I inhaled sharply because my whole childhood was wrapped up in him too. Your whole childhood should probably be wrapped up in your actual dad, but I didn’t have one. (Candace does. Good for her.)

I’ve joked for most of my life that I was raised by the television. It’s not that funny or original, especially for fellow latchkey kids, but now that Saget is dead, it’s all I can think about. Though I obviously wasn’t raised by the literal television, as it’s an electronic machine, it’s not totally bonkers to say I was raised by Danny Tanner.

There’s gotta be some connection there. I’ve always been able to talk about my dad without choking up or shedding a single tear, but have always been so emotionally connected to Full House, specifically the “dads,” the thing I lacked most. My family history is steeped in inconsistency and unreliability, and thick with abandon. The Tanners, and more importantly, their real life personas, are quite the opposite. This is probably the most personal famous loss I’ve experienced and I was in the middle of reading Memorial, a novel that centers parental relationships, even specifically drunk dads, when I heard the news.

It’s been a fucked month and my winter doldrums are hanging heavy. I didn’t read much but I’m in the middle of a 500+ page one right now so EXCUSE ME! Here’s what I read this month as the world continued to burn down around us.

[Books I Read]

Memorial: A Novel (2021) by Bryan Washington | Quick summary: A couple on the brink of breaking up deal with their parents.
Maybe you’ve gleaned that I don’t typically find myself drawn to books written by men but I’m trying to shed some of my preconceived notions, especially after reading Memorial. I purchased Washington’s novel in 2021 and decided to start the year with a book I’ve been staring at for awhile. As life often does, it pointed me to this book just as it was most relevant to my life. It was strong, honest, and emotional — and reading a relationship about two men and their parents was a refreshing change of pace for me! I could distance myself just enough.
[fiction, novel, coming-of-age, fam-and-relationship-focused, written by a queer Black American man, medium-length read that goes quick]

The Star Side of Bird Hill by Naomi A. Jackson (2016 | Quick summary: Two sisters move from Brooklyn to Barbados to live with their grandmother.
Do I like anything more than a book about the nuanced relationship between a mother and a daughter? Jackson has created two genuinely interesting characters — sisters Phaedra and Dionne — who are so different from one another that it’s like reading multiple stories at once. (In a good way!) As they cope with the abandonment of their mother, these two come together and drift apart, all while learning that life is just gonna be like this.
[fiction, novel, coming-of-age, fam-and-relationship-focused, written by a Black American woman, medium-length read that takes some time]

[Books I Heard]

How to Murder Your Life: A Memoir (2017) by Cat Marnell | Quick summary: A darkly funny and honest memoir about coming up in the magazine publishing world while being very addicted to drugs.
I was very much in my HelloGiggles writing days when Marnell published this memoir. We covered it. I thought we shouldn’t. I didn’t think anyone should cover it. I thought we should all get Marnell some help and stop publicizing addiction. But I’ve never quite forgotten about the memoir and for some reason, it came across my “to read list” as I was perusing 2022 reading goals and it felt like time. I actually thought Marnell was pretty funny and super sharp. As I started the book, I was pleased I chose to listen because her voice telling her own story helped me empathize more than I would if I was reading. But then, she started screaming. About vermin, at publishers she didn’t agree with, about vermin again. It was too much. I remember a friend saying she didn’t like Drew Barrymore’s audiobook (Wildflower) because of how much she screamed and I didn’t agree! Drew Barrymore can scream in my ear all day, but Cat Marnell? No. Overall, enjoyable. And I do hope she’s doing well.
[nonfiction, memoir, addiction-focused, written by a white cis American woman, longer listen, read by the author]

Seeing Ghosts: a Memoir (2021) by Kat Chow | Quick summary: An honest and thorough memoir of losing a parent and learning to live with grief while learning family history.
I have a pretty good grasp on what I like in an audiobook and rarely miss but this one? Not for me in audio form! I’m pretty strict about making sure the narrator is the author and though Kat Chow reads her own memoir, I had a hard time paying attention in parts and felt significant moments breeze on by. This is not a hit on Chow’s narration, either. Her voice has an endearingly realistic, often slightly humorous tone, even though her memoir is not a funny one. The last hour of the book was gorgeous and made me sniffle. Chow is a great writer and I’ll be seeking out more of her stuff.
[nonfiction, memoir, grief-focused, written by a Chinese American woman, longer listen, read by the author]

[What I Recommend]

If you tend to pick up any book about grief: Seeing Ghosts by Kat Chow

If you want to feel better about your own bad habits: How to Murder Your Life by Cat Marnell

If you swore you’d *read more Black authors: The Star Side of Bird Hill by Naomi A. Jackson and Memorial by Bryan Washington

“How often do you get to learn that lesson? That sometimes you just lose?” Memorial

“Sometimes I need nightfall to hear myself properly.” The Star Side of Bird Hill

“My favorite was “Teflon mind,” where you imagine your brain being like nonstick cookware: negative thoughts just slide right off.” How to Murder Your Life

“In many of these moments, I felt calm and contemplative, and the loneliness that often registered instead felt right. I would miss these moments later in life; how freeing it felt to be by myself, with so much in my future feeling like a possibility.” Seeing Ghosts