January 2023, learning how to grieve
fix your hearts or die
January always feels long but this one stretched out, tirelessly, and exhaustive. I was on the precipice of Big Change and now here I am, sitting in the throes of it. It’s not just that I’ve started a new job after 5 years and 7 months, as LinkedIn told me, in my former role. It’s not just that I’ve termed off the board at the Northwest Abortion Access Fund after two all-encompassing years. It’s not just that my best friend’s son is dying and every wonderful moment of enjoying a dance party with his sister to The Bangles’ “Manic Monday” is tinged with sadness and a deep fear of the future. And it’s not just that I’m looking around my beloved apartment, wondering and planning out what I need and want to bring with me in a future home. It’s all of that combined and then some, the good and the bad. The very life-life things.
I was driving or riding on a train or fighting sleeplessness a lot this month which means one very good thing: I read and listened to a lot of things to tell you about.
[Books I read]
Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir by Matthew Perry (2022) | Quick summary: Canadian actor Matthew Perry’s life story with a heavy dose of his addiction disorder.
This is one of the worst celebrity memoirs I’ve ever read—and I read a lot of celebrity memoirs. I’m not going to say all that much about it here because I’ve saved the good stuff for paid subscribers:
But my warning is to avoid this book, especially if you want to continue to cherish Chandler Bing.
[nonfiction, celebrity memoir, addiction memoir, written by a white cis male American actor, shorter read]
How We Heal: Uncover Your Power and Set Yourself Free by Alexandra Elle (2022) | Quick summary: Part journal, part personal storytelling; a book about emotional healing.
Like the quick summary mentions, How We Heal is partially a journal. If you check this out from the library or don’t like writing in books, have a blank journal with you to enjoy the writing prompts. There are also breathing exercises and motivational essays. I thought it was very apt timing for me to read this and it’s helped me with my new 5-year journal journey. (And the cover is pretty.) This was a gift from an excellent friend of mine which makes it even more special.
[nonfiction, memoir, self-care and self-healing, journal, written by a Black bestselling author, certified breathwork coach, and therapeutic writing teacher, short-but-involved read]
Just Another Love Song by Kerry Winfrey (2022) | Quick summary: High school sweethearts fall in love as adults, with one of them being essentially Taylor Swift.
Long-time readers of completely booked know that Kerry Winfrey is one of my favorite cozy writers. When people ask me generally for book recommendations, Winfrey’s growing collection is top of my list. Just Another Love Song was a perfect read for me at this time when things feel heavy and new, and sad. Like I hoped, JALS felt like a warm, and at times sexy, hug. No death, minimal sadness, and tons of nostalgia. A+.
[fiction, romance, written by a white midwestern romantic comedy author, medium-length, breezy read]
Fatty Fatty Boom Boom: A Memoir of Food, Fat, and Family by Rabia Chaudry (2022) | Quick summary: A memoir about growing up chubby and enjoying food and the experience of growing up in an immigrant family.
I believe I’ve mentioned that a goal this year is to remember how and why I picked up a particular book. Sometimes it’s for no reason or because it’s been on my TBR for a long time but I have a feeling this came across my radar for a more specific reason. Regardless, I didn’t enjoy Chaudry’s memoir as much as I’d hoped. While I certainly understand much of Chaudry’s experience growing up chubby and then yo-yo-ing throughout her adult life. Especially once she’s in the public eye a lot as Adnan Saed’s lawyer, it’s hard to read her self-hatred toward her body. It felt like the memoir ended abruptly and I worry that Chaudry is still not in a safe and loving space toward her body.
[nonfiction, culinary memoir, written by a Pakistani American attorney, advocate, and author, kinda long read]
[Books I heard]
The Return of the King: The Lord of the Rings, Book 3 by J. R. R. Tolkien; narrated by Andy Serkis (1955; 2022) | Quick summary: Third and final volume of The Lord of the Rings, begins in the kingdom of Gondor, which is about to be attacked.
It feels like I finished this book (and trilogy!) months and months ago but apparently, it was just a few weeks back. True to the movies as well, I most enjoyed Fellowship of the Ring, The Return of the King, and Two Towers in that order. As I’ve said in previous bookletters, Andy Serkis’s narration is familiar, delightful, and the attribute that finally got me through this very famous book trilogy. I feel like I’ve checked off a True Book Person task on my bucket list that doesn’t exist.
[classic fiction, fantasy trilogy, third in trilogy, written by a white English writer and philologist, read by actor Andy Serkis, long listen]
Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood, and the Prison of Belief by Lawrence Wright; read by Morton Sellers (2013) | Quick summary: A deep dive into both the formation of and Hollywood’s involvement in the church of Scientology.
I love going through my book collection and freeing myself of the ones I've put off reading for years. I’m a big “stock a free library” gal so every few months, I’ll look at all of my books and make some donation decisions. I’ve had Going Clear for a couple of years and while I’m pretty interested in Scientology, especially the Hollywood side of it, this thick book seemed daunting enough that I decided to throw it in the pile. But what if there’s an audiobook read by a pretty engaging narrator? There is! It’s out there! A listen was great and gave me like 17 hours of shit to listen to on all of my driving. I also now really feel like I understand the John Travolta rumors that I’ve heard my whole life. (I’m still a Travolta girl. Sorry.)
[nonfiction, religious history, written by a white American New Yorker staff writer, playwright, and screenwriter, read by Morton Sellers, long listen]
Dying of Politeness: A Memoir by Geena Davis (2022) Quick summary: Actress Geena Davis’s memoir of growing up and her iconic film roles.
This was so cute and good! I have always loved Geena Davis because she’s tall and has a deep voice and those are things I am and have. Davis is Thelma in Thelma and Louise and Dottie in A League of Their Own. The memoir is more than stories about those two movies but realizing how dope her film career has been was a fun realization. She’s also funny and just very strong and cool.
[nonfiction, celebrity memoir, written by a white American actor, read by the author, medium-length listen]
A Heart That Works by Rob Delaney (2022) | Quick summary: Actor Rob Delaney details the story of his young son Henry dying of brain cancer.
When I’m going through something, I either want to read everything about it or pretend it doesn’t exist and it’s not happening, at least in my “entertainment.” I’ve been craving the stories of people who have experienced the unfathomable reality of their child dying since my friend Walter’s diagnosis. I’m already a fan of Rob Delaney because of his writing on Catastrophe and his rough and honest take on life and parenting. He’s also a former Twitter guy, as am I, and I remember well when Henry was diagnosed and when he died. A Heart That Works is only a three-hour listen. I cried a lot listening to it, laughed a few times, and thought of how horrible life can be; how angry I feel toward people who can go through their day without the weight of knowing a kid who is sick and dying.
[nonfiction, celebrity memoir, grief memoir, written by a white American comedian, producer, and actor, read by the author, short listen]
Making a Scene by Constance Wu (2022) | Quick summary: Actress Constance Wu’s memoir of growing up and Hollywood.
I liked Fresh Off the Boat, at least in the early days, and I like Crazy Rich Asians, but I love Hustlers. I’ve seen it five times and anytime I think about it, I want to watch it again. Jennifer Lopez is obviously a staple in my life and I tend to support her throughout any of her endeavors so it was a pretty safe assumption that I’d enjoy Hustlers. But Constance! Wu! Wu and Lopez’s relationship in that movie is exacerbated by how dope they both are, how not-white they are, and how it’s friendship above all else. That movie is what made me a Wu fan, and why I was interested in reading her memoir. She spends too much time explaining every boyfriend and bad date she’s ever had but overall, I enjoyed the listen. It’s a great audiobook because Wu is an excellent narrator of her own life, and she’s kind of a badass.
[nonfiction, celebrity memoir, written by a Chinese American actor, read by the author, medium-length listen]
[What I recommend]
- For journalers: How We Heal by Alexandra Elle
- For anyone begging for some levity: Just Another Love Song by Kerry Winfrey
- For fans of celebrity memoirs: Constance Wu’s Making a Scene, Geena Davis’s Dying of Politeness, and Rob Delaney’s A Heart That Works (unless it is too triggering!!)
- Avoiding: Matthew Perry’s Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing
In February, I’m only going to read smut and erotica. Smutuary, coming through.
don’t miss out on the smut
