June 2020, and Black lives still matter

I have lived a thousand lives since I last sat down to write this. It's been chilling to see a national (an international) conversation, a true movement, especially since Seattle, my home, has been one of the biggest contributors. It has been mind-boggling to see people who I know for sure have never given any thought to a non-white experience dedicate their social media platforms to learning and growing. To see people who have never been humbled be humbled is a trip. My boss told us to take the day off on Juneteenth, a holiday that we celebrated this year — suddenly, beautifully. It's been equally jarring to see it all stop — to see white people go back to talking about their road trips and personal successes and privilege with no awareness of the bigger picture. To say this is a trying time doesn't do it justice. I feel close personal relationships slipping away as we all navigate a global pandemic and the reckoning of America's deep rooted white supremacy. It's been so tiring. It's been sorrowful. It's been offensive and nerve-racking and tragic. It's hard, even when they are words of support, to stomach every white person I know learning about me in front of me. It's even harder to see those same white people move on to passively posting a meme about Breonna Taylor's murderers every other day without taking any further action or time to self-reflect.

I don't know where this movement – this country – is going, but everyone says it feels different this time. It did, but it already doesn't feel that different to me anymore.

But back to the point of this newsletter. I didn't rush to read anything specifically anti-racist this month. I didn't have to scurry to buy books written by Black people. Generally, my reading is planned out and, like I said last month, it's really clear to me when I've been reading too many white voices. I have always preferred reading Black women's stories; not in a performative way, but because I am a Black woman and it is always most comfortable to read your voice. "African American Literature" has always, literally from the age I could read, been my biggest passion.

Anyway, here's what I read this month.

(Oh also I know Amazon is bad but I did buy a Kindle because I was spending a lot of money buying books and I needed better library access. I read two books on my phone and then a friend (she's Jeff Bezos) pushed me into buying one and I like it. I'm sorry. But also, I'm telling you this because I had to change my header "Physical Books." Okay, read on.)

[Books I Read With My Eyes]

• Secret Daughter: A Mixed-Race Daughter and the Mother Who Gave Her Away by June Cross
  A couple of years ago, I was thinking it was kind of a bummer that I hadn't read much by biracial people, specifically Black and white people like myself. This went on my list then and I finally decided to seek it out and I'm so glad I did. This memoir, written by journalist June Cross, had a lot of near and dear to me themes. Adoption, parental issues, race, and even old Hollywood.
  [memoir, nonfiction, written by a biracial Black cis woman, medium length read]
  
• unSweetined: A Memoir by Jodie Sweetin
  I don't know how I, a Full House fanatic, had never read this book. I am unfortunately obsessed with Candace Cameron-Bure, but Stephanie/Jodie has always been my favorite. Even though I have Oldest Child Energy, I am a middle child and Steph is kind of our best representation. Jodie's memoir is about her addiction disorder and how she overcame it. Sweetin is honest, tragic, and emotional. As silly as this sounds, I am incredibly proud of her for the life she lives today. (She should write a second memoir! This is 11 years old!)
  [celebrity memoir, nonfiction, written by a white cis woman, shorter read]
  
• Drive Your Plow over the Bones of the Dead by Olga Tokarczuk
  Some of my book choices are inspired by Book Riot's 2020 Read Harder Challenge, which I love because it definitely helps me think outside the box. This one fulfilled "a mystery where a woman isn't the victim" and it's also a translation, which I love reading! Tokarczuk creates very layered and interesting characters, the protagonist Janina is quirky and passionate and definitely not the victim! Great story.
  [mystery, fiction, written by a white cis woman, translated from Polish, medium length read]
  
• The Source of Self-Regard: Selected Essays, Speeches, and Meditations by Toni Morrison
  Of course this was fantastic. A masterpiece and a gift rather than a collection of essays. I wrote down so many quotes, took so many photos of pages, and felt overwhelmed when I was done gathering them all to look at for this letter. Toni Morrison is an incredibly talented light who we were extremely lucky to have bless us with her words. When I read her, I say "yes" and "uh huh" out loud, which is what I imagine going to church feels like, though I do not know much about that.
  [collection of works, nonfiction, written by a Black cis woman, longer read]
  
• Building Houses Out of Chicken Legs : Black Women, Food, and Power by Psyche A. Williams-Forson
  I thought this was a detailed and very interesting dive into a long-standing stereotype in the Black community. Everyone is rushing to read books written by Black people while they finally wake up and realize that our entire country and every single aspect of it is rooted in white supremacy. If I may, I want to say this is not a recommendation for that purpose. This was a very good and interesting book for me, a Black person, and I don't know that I trust the average white person to navigate critical thinking around chicken and African Americans. (Though I am not the boss of you, if you're white and want to read it, go for it.)
  [food/tradition/race/anthropology, nonfiction, written by a Black cis woman, longish read]
  
• Who Do You Serve, Who Do You Protect?: Police Violence and Resistance in the United States edited by Maya Schenwar, Joe Macaré, and Alana Yu-lan Price; foreword by Alicia Garza; other contributors
  I really like and appreciate Haymarket Books, who have published some of the best things I've read in the past few years. They are offering this book in a free e-version right now and I implore you to read it. It is a collection of essays so you can skip around and read the ones that call to you, but I read the whole thing, because it all calls to me.
  [essays, current events, nonfiction, written by a collection of writers, shortish read]
  
• Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: The Illustrated Edition by me, I wrote it; Illustrations by Jim Kay
  I had a few friends ask me if I was going to stop my Harry Potter re-read in light of J.K. Rowling's transphobic tweets. First of all, it's not really my place to say whether or not we should stop reading Harry Potter. I am a cisgender woman who benefits from the privileges that come along with that, which includes choosing to ignore Rowling's comments and continue reading her masterpiece, which yes, I still do think it is. But also, this isn't the first time Rowling has showed herself to be transphobic or even offensive. Her horrific statement was just that horrific — but it was not new information. The first time I realized J.K. Rowling may have some ~problematic views~, I sought out the voices of the communities she was oppressing. There are a lot of trans writers who have expressed their disappointment but have committed to continue letting these stories be a part of their lives. And though that is also how I feel, like aforementioned, I can't center myself in this one. Dan Radcliffe, who plays Harry Potter in the films and is also a cisgender person, said this: "To all the people who now feel that their experience of the books has been tarnished or diminished, I am deeply sorry for the pain these comments have caused you. I really hope that you don’t entirely lose what was valuable in these stories to you."
  
  This one is my favorite book in the series. After so many re-reads, it has always stayed strong in that number one spot. Also, I donated the cost of this illustrated version to The Trevor Project. If you can, you should give to trans organizations, and the youth-driven ones are the closest to my heart. I want every kid to feel like they are heard. I want every kid to know they are loved. I want that statement to be true and it's not. We say children are the future — which is putting way too much on kids who should just get to fuck around and be kids and not solve the problems we've all created for them — but we don't even give kids the chance to be the people they are. Support trans youth.
  [fiction, third in a series, fantasy, written by a white cis woman, medium read] ​

[Audiobooks]

• Surpassing Certainty: What My Twenties Taught Me by Janet Mock
  I listened to this book and completely fell in love with Janet Mock's literal and metaphorical voice. This is her second book and even though I did this backward, it didn't matter. Mock gives so much of herself to her readers. From honest realizations about family, home, gender, womanhood, Blackness, and feminism to her relatable stories of dating and love, both of these books were really great. And honestly very fun at times.
  [memoir, nonfiction, written by a Black trans woman, mediumish listen, read by author]​
  
• Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More by Janet Mock
  Surpassing Certainty is about Mock's 20s, marriage, dating, and navigating career. Redefining Realness is about Mock's childhood. She details her parents, as individuals and as a couple, her relationships with her siblings, her sexual assault, her transition, and her time as a sex worker.
  [memoir, nonfiction, written by a Black trans woman, mediumish listen, read by author]​

[What I Recommend]

Everyone, especially people who love and appreciate literature, should own a copy of The Source of Self-Regard: Selected Essays, Speeches, and Meditations by Toni Morrison to reference. Both of Janet Mock's books, Surpassing Certainty: What My Twenties Taught Me and Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More, I'd recommend to just about anyone. And in my opinion, it is your civic duty to read Who Do You Serve, Who Do You Protect?: Police Violence and Resistance in the United States edited by a variety of contributors. There are lots of essays around police abolition right now. Read this, read those, make sure they were written by Black people or other people of color.

"Anger makes the mind clear and incisive, able to see more. It sweeps up the other emotions and takes control of the body. Without a doubt Anger is the source of all wisdom, for Anger has the power to exceed any limits." Drive Your Plow over the Bones of the Dead

“I thought every thought I had was interesting—because it was mine. Now I know better how to throw things away that are not useful.” The Source of Self-Regard: Selected Essays, Speeches, and Meditations

"Don’t let anybody, anybody, convince you this is the way the world is and therefore must be." The Source of Self-Regard: Selected Essays, Speeches, and Meditations