June 2023, arc, nostalgia, and yearbooks

One book I didn’t write about this month was my middle school yearbook. My oldest friend Megan and I sat down and flipped through three years of embarrassing photos, home phone numbers, and fashion choices. I love old yearbooks, especially ones I helped create! Megan and I were in yearbook class, so we helped highlight shirtless 12-year-old boys in a gross middle school pool, all their puka shell necklace glory on full display. Why did we give a four-photo spot to the motivational speaker ripping a phonebook in half but the tiniest pic you’ve ever seen of theeee Destiny’s Child? (Yes, our middle school band(?) played with Destiny’s Child at some college football bowl well before Beyoncé went solo.

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I love thinking about what people remember about me based on the weird shit I remember about them. I hope someone out there remembers me as the kid wearing a fucking Anne Geddes shirt for some reason.

[Books I read]

How to Date Men When You Hate Men by Blythe Roberson (2019) | Quick summary: A funny interrogation about what it means to date cis men while living in a patriarchal society.
Blythe Roberson is a my-aged white cis woman who dates cis men. As someone who is also a my-aged cis woman who dates cis men, it was impossible not to appreciate the detailed (and hilarious) struggle of dating men.
[literary criticism, written by a white American comedian, humor writer, and author, shorter read]

Constructing a Nervous System by Margo Jefferson (2022) | Quick summary: Insight into Margo Jefferson’s mind, memoir as a genre, and a highlight of famous stories that we think we’re familiar with but might not be.

“The charge is truancy and the courts dispatch her to the Colored Orphan Asylum in Riverdale, New York. Why is she sent upstate to a reform school a few months later? Who has she angered? What has she done? Is this asylum–the only one in New York to house colored children–overcrowded?”

This is one of the most unique books I’ve read in recent years. Based on the title, I assumed it’d be one of those important “therapy books,” as I call them, but it was more than that. Partially a memoir, partially a “therapy book,” and partially a history of famous Black people like Ike Turner, this book took paths I'd never expected. I liked it. Margo Jefferson is different, and I like her.
[literary criticism, memoir, written by a Black American writer and academic, shortish read]

Yawn: Adventures in Boredom by Mary Mann (2017) | Quick summary: A funny, timely, and fascinating study of boredom.
My therapist and I spent an entire session discussing boredom a couple of weeks ago. A few days later, this book jumped at me from a library shelf. Y’all already know one of my favorite things about books, and being a reader is books seeking me out when the time is right. This one did. It was funny, apt, short but thorough, and just what I needed. If you wonder about boredom—is it so bad to be bored? Am I boring?—this is a fun must-read.
[essays (kinda), emotional and mental health, memoir-ish, written by a white American author, shortish read]

sTORI Telling by Tori Spelling (2009) | Quick summary: Another one of Tori’s memoirs about her life, or in this one, her marriages.
There is no reason for me to explain this book or how I felt about it. If you have been following along, you know I’m deep in 90210 nostalgia, including reading Spelling’s memoirs, of which there are six. The two things I’ll say about sTORI Telling are a) incredible title and b) Dean McDermott announced their divorce on Instagram and then deleted it while I was 80% of the way through this book. I think by the time you’re reading this, it’ll have been republished by the both of them. (I didn’t believe in their love as she dictated the story in this memoir, for the rec.) (And wait, I don’t think the post has been republished! Are they splitting or what??)
[celebrity memoir, pop culture, written by a white American actress and author, shortish read]

Paperback Crush: The Totally Radical History of '80s and '90s Teen Fiction by Gabrielle Moss (2018) | Quick summary: A very fun and funny report on young adult literature in the 1980s and 1990s.
I have not had this much fun reading a book in ages. It’s visually entertaining, Moss’s writing speaks to me and makes me laugh out loud, and the nostalgia factor is high. Now I’d like Gabrielle Moss to write a book exactly like this about everything I ever experienced as an adolescent. I cannot praise this enough. If you were a person who read coming-of-age mass paperbacks growing up, you’ve gotta check it out. Maybe even if you’re not that person but you want to read great, visually exciting research about the cultural phenomena of the 80s and 90s YA world. Will be purchasing this book as gifts for years to come.
[romantic literary criticism, humor, written by a white American writer and author, medium-length read]

Girl Meets Boy by Ali Smith (2015) | Quick summary: A retelling of Ovid’s gender-bending myth of Iphis and Ianthe.
Girl Meets Boy is about girls, boys, Scottish sisters, love, hate, confusion, and transformation. Ali Smith is a great, compelling writer who delivers a unique, funny, touching novel in under 200 pages. Ideal!
[literary fiction, folklore, written by a white Scottish author, playwright, academic, and journalist, short read]

You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identity, and Transracial Adoption by Angela Tucker (2023) | Quick summary: Angela Tucker’s personal story of being transracially adopted paired with historical context and research.
This book holds a special place in my heart and is now one of my most “marked up” books. (Marked up to me is a mixture of bent page corners and translucent sticky notes.) I’m acquainted with Angela Tucker through work and have been eagerly awaiting this personal story of love, family, and adoption. I have so many notes and must ruminate through them before sharing my thoughts. More in a paid newsletter to come, but in the meantime, read this book. It’s even better than I anticipated and an important topic. Another note though: Bellingham plays a pivotal setting in Tucker’s story. It was fascinating to read about a place I know so well that used to be home, especially from the eyes of Black women, an underrepresented demographic in the city.
[literary fiction, folklore, written by a white Scottish author, playwright, academic, and journalist, short read]

[Books I heard]

Ain’t I a Woman: Black Women and Feminism by bell hooks (2019; originally published 1981) | Quick summary: hooks drags white women for filth for being racist and exclusionary.
bell clap hooks clap. Listen, I know hooks has spouted some opinions that aren’t the most popular of all time, namely something something about Beyoncé. I don’t have to agree with bell hooks 100% of the time and I’d also never stop reading her words because she was right about so fucking much. Reading (re-reading) Ain’t I a Woman felt like a warm, reassuring hug. After (a lifetime but also) recent years of growing into my identity and asserting myself more regarding white supremacy (and tears, guilt, and appropriation), I was ready for this again. Nothing changes. Everything changes.
[feminist theory, anti-racist theory, gender studies, written by a Black American cultural critic, feminist theorist, and writer, longer listen, read by Adenrele Ojo]

Tell Me Everything by Minka Kelly (2023) | Quick summary: Actress Minka Kelly’s life.
I love Minka Kelly. I was late to Friday Night Lights (watched for the first time in the fall of 2014) but immediately felt drawn to her, even though her character is the prettiest cheerleader in school with well-off parents and questionable moral choices, even for a teen. Minka shines. I don’t follow many famous people on Instagram, but I’ve always followed her—she posts about racial justice in a way that most gorgeous white women don’t, or when they do, it’s clear they don’t understand the depth of what they’re saying. Minka loves her friends and always takes cooking classes or trips with them. We never see a man on her page. She has a big heart and a beautiful face, and a kind voice. And now I know why.

Minka Kelly’s memoir—her first—was a revelation. None of us knew her story, and her story is complex, heartbreaking, and honest. Minka grew up in a community of people who stepped in whenever her mom had to step out. Some of those people included the man she considered her father growing up, who is Latinx. She grew up with brown people, and it shows. Through her many tales of growing up, so much of my draw to Minka Kelly was explained. Growing up a little racially confused, yearning for her mother her entire life, setting boundaries, and realizing they weren’t the right ones. And though she saves dating for the end and ties it into her experience with her mother and her attachment styles, the dating stuff too. We’re alike—my therapist calls her “my best friend Minka” because of how often I’ve cited her book—and nothing alike. I love her. This book is fantastic and much less of a celebrity memoir than a story about a mother and daughter.
[celebrity memoir, written by a white American actress and writer, medium-length listen, read by the author]

Being Lolita: A Memoir by Alisson Wood (2020) | Quick summary: Alisson Wood’s memoir about being groomed and sexually abused by her teacher.
Grabbed this from my dusty ol’ TBR shelf and blazed through it. I hate this shit in shows and movies—I’m very tired of Teacher Has Sexual Relationship With Student storylines because it happens all the time in real life. Constantly and still. One of the school districts I grew up in (we moved a lot, I claim many school districts) just fired a coach for preying on and raping a student over the course of many months. If it’s real, I want to hear about it. If it’s not, I don’t. Alisson Wood’s story was deeply real. Though their sexual relationship didn’t start until Wood turned 18, I related to her inability to ever live up to the person you think you’re going to share a life with. Luckily, I don’t relate to anything else about her story—but I am glad this memoir exists.
[memoir, written by a white American creative writer, teacher and founder, medium-length listen, read by the author]

Who Is Wellness For?: An Examination of Wellness Culture and Who Leaves it Behind by Fariha Róisín (2022) | Quick summary: An exploration of the commodification and appropriation of wellness.
This one rocked me. This one I checked out from the library as soon as the audiobook was over so I could underline every word. Róisín’s book is memoir; she discusses honestly and the parental abuse she grew up with and how it has led to not having a relationship with her mother anymore.

“I have a lot of grief over being robbed of my early life and so I have a lot of anger towards people who have had good childhoods, it’s a privilege. I’m not sure why we don’t understand this. Especially when the difference between having a good childhood and not has dangerous long-term side effects.

But Róisín ties in her own experience to the universal experiences of being a brown or Black person in a white world. There’s a chapter on yoga that I’ve not stopped thinking about since I finished this book. I’d implore white people (and everyone, but especially) to check this one out.
[memoir, cultural anthropology, written by an Australian-Canadian Muslim writer, longer listen, read by the author]

Pageboy: A Memoir by Elliot Page (2023) | Quick summary: Actor Elliot Page’s memoir, particularly about his gender and sexuality.
Oh no, I didn’t like this! Page wrote this memoir as a response to the horrific anti-LGBTQIA+ sentiments and laws, particularly for trans people. That’s not my problem, of course. I want more LGBTQIA+ writers and stories. There could never be enough! My problem with this memoir is it feels like Page focused more on the people they’ve fucked (famous names mentioned) and those who have been abusive and shitty to him (famous names not mentioned). It led me to google “who was A-listen mean to Elliot Page” and that’s just not what I like in a celebrity memoir. Now WHO was that A-lister??
[celebrity memoir, LGBTQIA+, written by a Canadian actor, shortish listen, read by the author]

[What I recommend]

• If you date or have dated men and want a light lol: How to Date Men When You Hate Men
• If you’ve ever been bored: Yawn
• If you read The Baby-Sitters Club or anything of the sort: Paperback Crush
• If you’ve adopted or considered adoption or if you’re a white person who doesn’t understand the importance of community or if you don’t know what transracial adoption is: You Should Be Grateful
• If you’re a white person and/or if you identify as a feminist: Ain’t I a Woman: Black Women and Feminism
• If you’re a white person and/or if you’ve ever used the phrase “self-care”: Who Is Wellness For
• If you have a complex relationship with your mother and/or family: Tell Me Everything

I’m taking a big trip! I’ll be traveling with my Kindle only so even though I’m proud of the progress I’ve made on the physical books I’ve collected in the past 6ish months, I’ll be bidding them adieu for a week.

To a gentle July (why not! the alliteration still works!) and a book you can’t put down. xo

“A culture fixated on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty, but an obsession about female obedience. Dieting is the most potent political sedative in women’s history; a quietly mad population is a tractable one.” How to Date Men When You Hate Men

“Remember: Memoir is your present negotiating with versions of your past for a future you’re willing to show up in.” Nervous System

“She had the swagger of a girl. She blushed like a boy. She had a girl’s toughness. She has a boy’s gentleness. She was as meaty as a girl. She was as graceful as a boy. She was as brave and handsome and rough as a girl. She was as pretty and delicate and dainty as a boy. She turned boys' heads like a girl. She turned girls' heads like a boy. She made love like a boy. She made love like a girl. She was so boyish it was girlish, so girlish it was boyish, she made me want to rove the world writing our names on every tree.” Girl Meets Boy

“Would you ask them if I can hold my baby first?’” You Should Be Grateful

“Initially, class privilege was not discussed by white women in the women’s movement. They wanted to project an image of themselves as victims and that could not be done by drawing attention to their class. In fact, the contemporary women’s movement was extremely class-bound. As a group, white participants did not denounce capitalism. They chose to define liberation using the terms of white capitalist patriarchy, equating liberation with gaining economic status and money power. Like all good capitalists, they proclaimed work as the key to liberation. This emphasis on work was yet another indication of the extent to which the white female liberationists’ perception of reality was totally narcissistic, classist, and racist.” Ain’t I a Woman

“Many of us put off dealing with our negative childhood programming until well into our forties and fifties. These issues come politely knocking at our door in our twenties, then rap louder in our thirties. If you delay looking at your programming until your forties, you are likely to have the message delivered with sledgehammer blows.” Tell Me Everything

“Sometimes you give so many parts away, however, that you’re no longer accessible to your own self.” Who is Wellness For

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