March 2023, nothing made sense

This newsletter reminds me of the mixed CDs I used to make—there's no good way to settle in. I am all over the place in what I read this month and in my head. I'm sailing on the winds of change, baby!

None of the significant shifts and changes are bad, except the one thing that is so bad it has forever altered my loved ones and me. Every day since November, I've thought of Walter. I think that will continue to be true for the rest of my life; his presence is so big, his seven years of life as impactful as possible. We'll all miss his quiet leadership and sweet, kind heart. My friend Stefanie has a podcast about cancer that I wish she didn't ever need to start, but I'm selfishly glad it exists. Cancer for Breakfast did an episode that feels dedicated to Walter, even if unofficially. Give A Closet Full of Shoes a listen here.

completely booked is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

The other shifts aren't sad. They're frustrating and exciting and fulfilling and thrilling. Adjusting to a new job, a new career(?), moving and all that entails. I am so excited to be in a cute little neighborhood with my boyfriend, and at the same time, I'm leaving an apartment I've been in for the better part of the last seven years. I love this place, and it's done me so well.

So I'm all over the place. But anyway, to the books. I had a couple overdue from the library (classic me), so I read two books I am going to bunch together that were left over from my smutuary. I returned them today. I also returned the overdue one they were hounding me for because it's a peak pick. It happened to me: once, the library temporarily shut down my account for keeping a peak pick too long. Nancy, the teen librarian at Lake City, said it's happened to her too, so I don't feel as bad.

I also read a book that is the most commented book that I've carried around. It felt like when you're walking an adorable dog, and every five people you pass want to talk to you about it. It reminded me of when I was reading Red, White & Royal Blue and encountered someone else who had read it who squealed and told me to expect a good time. The people really want to talk about Killers of the Flower Moon! I'm not curious as to why, though. The book was published in 2017, but Martin Scorsese has a long-awaited (just me?) movie coming out this year based on this book. Leonardo DiCaprio is in it. And reader, I really wish he wasn't dating a 19-year-old.

That's enough. Let's get into it.

[Books I read]

Killers of the Flower Moon: The Osage Murders and the Birth of the FBI by David Grann (2017) | Quick summary: The pieced-together history of white people killing and colonizing the Osage people.
For what feels like multiple years now (refuse to fact check), I’ve known that Martin Scorsese is directing a movie called Killers of the Flower Moon based on this book. Since DiCaprio is in it, this book has been on my—and many others’ radar. Even if a book is popular because a movie/show version is coming out, I enjoy reading something everyone else seems to be reading too. It’s like the good days of Twitter when an awards show was on and context for your tweet wasn’t necessary because we were all watching. Besides the camaraderie of reading a book that’s in the spotlight, I loved this book. I was so invested I had to actually slow myself down. The story itself is tragic and illuminating. The writing and research are impeccable, accessible, and fascinating.
[nonfiction, indigenous history, political, novel, medium-length read]

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi (2017) | Quick summary: Death and life.
This is something I’ll come back to but it also offered a lot of reprieve in my life. It’s a remarkable book and also the grief I’m currently tackling felt starkly different than what was outlined in this memoir—not a critique, just a note.
[nonfiction, grief, death, and life, written by an Indian American writer and neurosurgeon, medium-length read that you can (and should) spend time with]

Every Body: An Honest and Open Look at Sex from Every Angle by Julia Rothman and Shaina Feinberg (2021) | Quick summary: Sex, bodies, trauma, love, abortion—it’s got it all.
and
Oh Joy Sex Toy Vol. 3 by Erika Moen and illustrated by Matthew Nolan (2016) | Quick summary: reviews of sex toys and just general sex positivity stuff.
I don’t have a ton of stuff to say about either of these other than they were left over from smutuary and I like to read graphic novels and/or comics from time to time. Both of these were fun and good but the abortion stuff in Every Body suuuucks so don’t read it and/or skip the abortion parts.
[nonfiction, multi-media, sex, love, and trauma, co-written, medium-length read(s) that you can spend time with]

[Books I heard]

Beyond the Wand: The Magic & Mayhem of Growing Up a Wizard by Tom Felton (2022) | Quick summary: The actor who played Draco Malfoy in the Harry Potter series talks about his life!
I appreciate that this audiobook is almost exactly what you’d expect—a mildly famous actor writes a memoir largely about the big franchise movie he starred in. I’d say 3/4 of this memoir is Harry Potter-based—which is great. Tom Felton is a great narrator. He is charming and chuckles a lot while recalling his naughty childhood stories on set. He also does a hilarious American accent, particularly his Chris Columbus impression. My only beef is that the latter bit is about his stint in rehab for…beer and marijuana? I don’t know, it almost felt like he’s been convinced he had A Problem, and to me, it didn’t sound that way! It sounds like he needed to drink two nights’ worth of beer less and do some yoga, not rehab. But I digress. Also, he and Emma Watson should get married.
[nonfiction, celebrity memoir, written by a white British actor, shorter listen, read by the author]

The Electricity of Every Living Thing: A Woman's Walk in the Wild to Find Her Way Home by Katherine May (2021) | Quick summary: Katherine May takes a long walk by the sea and shares her enlightening experience of understanding oneself and awareness of the world.
Very similar to Wintering but somehow a bit more vulnerable. I am just a very big fan of Katherine May, written and read. I find her deeply relatable, interesting, and inspiring. I want to not talk to anyone and walk for hours after finishing her books.
[nonfiction, memoir, nature, written by a white British internationally bestselling author, medium-length listen, read by the author]

Zig-Zag Boy Madness, Motherhood and Letting Go by Tanya Frank (2023) | Quick summary: Love meets madness as a mother fights to understand whether or not her son will be able to live in this world.
Zach was nineteen when Tanya discovered him rerouting the wires of their landline, sure that the phone was bugged, that his friends were Mafia, that the helicopters swirling above were deployed by spies, that he couldn’t trust anyone – her included. Devastating. Mom-stuff. Mothering. I loved this.
[nonfiction, memoir, nature, written by a white English writer, medium-length listen, read by the author]

Love, Pamela: A Memoir of Prose, Poetry, and Truth Hardcover by Pamela Anderson (2023) | Quick summary: The life and loves and philosophy of actress, activist, personality, and bombshell Pamela Anderson.
Add Pam to the list of women who have taken back their narrative. Pamela Anderson was pivotal in my childhood. Besides her PETA-affiliation, I think she’s fucking rad. I’ve yet to watch the doc but this audiobook probably made that unnecessary anyway.
[nonfiction, memoir, nature, written by a white British internationally bestselling author, medium-length listen, read by the author]

Essential Labor: Mothering as Social Change by Angela Garbes (2022) | Quick summary: An exploration of mothering as a means of social change.
Loved this, love her, went to the same wedding she did. I didn’t think every single bit of this book was necessary or fit into her overall thesis but I don’t think I’ve ever read anything that made me feel more seen, not deeply, not the whole time, but the concept of mothering without actually being a mother is something deeply healing for me to hear and consider. Also this book had been on my TBR for SO LONG. I feel accomplished having finally given it the time it deserved.
[nonfiction, motherhood, memoirish, written by a filipinx author, shorter listen, read by the author]

[What I recommend]

• I didn’t include this because it’s more of a workbook than a reading book but I’d still recommend it: What's Your Grief?: Lists to Help You Through Any Loss by Eleanor Haley MS and Litsa Williams MA LCSW-C.
• For moms, parents, and anyone who mothers: Essential Labor: Mothering as Social Change
• All people, especially white people, should read: Killers of the Flower Moon
• People should read: When Breath Becomes Air because we should all think about life and death and the processes involved

Survive your April, folks. We’ve got it.

“History is a merciless judge. It lays bare our tragic blunders and foolish missteps and exposes our most intimate secrets.” Killers of the Flower Moon

The fact of death is unsettling. Yet there is no other way to live.” When Breath Becomes Air

“Perhaps walking is the only place where I don’t have to pass.” The Electricity of Every Living Thing

“Birds are little messengers. They carry secrets of the dead to the living.” Love Pamela

“Hearing “I love you” is nothing compared to feeling it, your body absorbing the message from another. Before we learn verbal language, we communicate through our bodies. The only way a young child can comprehend love is physically.” Essential Labor

completely booked is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.