May 2024, the precipice

I've never been a cryptic person because I find people's lives and choices so interesting that I want to immediately have access to the details. I know how that sounds, I respect people's privacy, but I am genuinely fascinated. Why are you getting divorced, what happened, and are you okay? Even if we've met once or twice in our lives. Your kid turned 5? How's that going, for them and for you? You hate your job? Why? Is it your boss, is it too hard, are they forcing you back to the office?

I have primarily exciting and liberating things to share, but I'll trickle it out throughout the summer, not because I want to tease or be private, but because it feels right to wait. Plus, I'm a Leo. I'm a little extra about stuff.

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May was a complete whirlwind, and I'll share more as I process and reflect. One of my summer goals is to flex my writing muscles, and this ol’ bookletter is the best way to do that.

For now, here's what I read in May.

[Books I read]

Healing the Adult Child’s Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas After Your Parent Dies by Alan D. Wolfelt (2002) | Quick summary: Realistic suggestions and relief for an adult child whose parent has died.
In 2005, a few weeks into my first year of college, my baby brother’s dad was murdered. It was brutal, and it reshaped my family. When I first shared this dark part of my life, my therapist recommended this book, mainly for Levi but also for me, and I finally got around to reading it. The advice and “tips” are hit or miss, but some of this book’s reminders and ideas are very therapeutic. Wolfelt has a series called Healing Your Grieving Heart if you’re in need.
[nonfiction, grief and bereavement, self-help, written by a white american author, educator, and grief counselor, short read]

Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love by Helen Fisher (2004) | Quick summary: Studying the brains of people who have just fallen in love.
What is love, who do we love and why, and how do we keep love alive? This has been on my list since early 2020 when I sought books on how to love healthily, as there aren’t examples to refer to in my familial history. I’m curious if I’d have enjoyed it more in 2020 because, reading it now, I didn’t learn anything new, feel anything revelatory, or connect to it much at all.
[nonfiction, psychology, self-help, written by a white american biological anthropologist, human behaviour researcher, and author, shorter read]

Places in the World a Woman Could Walk by Janet Kauffman (1985) | Quick summary: Short stories centering on the struggle over loneliness, shattered dreams, and abandonment.
I grabbed this from a Little Free Library because I love the title of it so much and because Janet Kauffman is one of those writers’ names I’ve heard for years and have never read. (A quick Wiki scroll tells me she’s a cool lady.) This story collection was interesting, spirited, and, at times, a bit confusing. I caught myself nodding along in faux comprehension at times, but ultimately, I understood and adored the women in these stories. They’re all determined to embrace the simplest pleasures with their whole hearts, which I think I do, too.
[short stories, literary fiction, written by a white american novelist, poet, and mixed media artist, shorter read]

Slam Book by Ann M. Martin (1987) | Quick summary: A notebook filled with anonymous, and usually mean, comments about classmates sets off a tragic chain of events.
For fuck sake, this book was intense! Anyone joining me on the completely booked reading challenge this year knows they’re challenged to read a book published the year they were born. I found myself enamored and a bit obsessed with “vintage” (lol I am old) YA books, so Slam Book, written by Ann M. Martin of The Baby-Sitter’s Club Series fame, checked multiple boxes for me. However, this is not your cool aunt’s Baby-Sitter’s Club! It wasn’t even Mean Girls or Clueless; maybe it was more like Heathers because Heathers has death, right? Regardless, and trigger warning, in this book, a fat kid kills herself because of the bullying in the “slam book,” so I’d say, skip this one! But it’s a great cover, at least the one I read.
[fiction, YA, written by a white american children’s fiction writer, shorter read]

Helen House by Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya (2022) | Quick summary: A meet-the-family trip turns into a decades-long mourning ritual.
I fucking loved this “novelette.” I can’t remember how I came across this book, but since it’s about girlfriends who have both lost a sister, one in childhood and one in adulthood, I imagine I came across it in my grief studies. Losing a sibling is my truly deepest nightmare, and yet I seek out stories about just that thing. Upadhyaya is a fantastic writer - and married to Kristen Arnett, one of my favorites - and her creativity inspires and moves me.
[fiction, erotic horror, written by a “lesbian writer of essays, short stories, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando”]

Melissa by Alex Gino (2015) | Quick summary: People call her George, and she presents as a “boy,” but Melissa is Melissa, and after being inspired by Charlotte’s Web, she starts to be herself.
I loved this book about a kid who is super moved by Charlotte’s Web and doesn’t see why she shouldn’t be able to play Charlotte in the school play. Melissa is trans, though, and isn’t “out” to her school, so even though she’s the best actress who tried out for the part, her teacher doesn’t cast her as Melissa. This is a super heartwarming story, and my favorite part is how Melissa’s brother isn’t surprised and is super supportive of her identity when she starts to tell people she’s not actually a boy.[fiction, middle-grade, written by a white, american award-winning author of queer and progressive middle-grade fiction, shorter read]

[Books I heard]

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot (2010) | Quick summary: The story of the first “immortal” human cells grown in culture and the background and familial history of the person who “donated” said cells.
In the circles I run (influenced by Oprah, books about Black people), The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks is a big deal and thus has been on my radar for over a decade! I specifically remember when my friend Parsan read and praised it, and I bookmarked it. And here it found me, all of these years later. In February, I read Madness. Henrietta Lacks’ family is a part of that “hospital”’s history, so it inspired me to pick this up. It’s as excellent and absolutely appalling as I’ve always heard.
[nonfiction, history of medicine, Black history, written by a white american science writer, read by Cassandra Campbell and Bahni Turpin, longish listen]

Sure, I’ll Join Your Cult: A Memoir of Mental Illness and the Quest to Belong Anywhere by Maria Bamford (2023) | Quick summary: Honest and comedic memoir about comedy, mental health, and rigid belief systems.
I don’t really know who Maria Bamford is other than she is profoundly disturbed and funny enough to make it work for her. I love the cover of her memoir, and I find her humor refreshing. Though I didn’t necessarily love this audiobook (it was a little all over the place), I laughed out loud quite a few times, which is always appreciated.
[nonfiction, celebrity memoir, written by a white american actress and stand-up comedian, read by the author, shorter listen]

Doppelganger: A Trip Into the Mirror World by Naomi Klein (2023) | Quick summary: Naomi Klein writes about being “confused” with Naomi Wolf.
I’ve never read Naomi Wolf, though I have a copy of The Beauty Myth I nabbed from a free library on my book cart. After listening to Doppelganger, I am considering throwing it back into one. I found this book super interesting, sometimes quite dull, and in the end, kind of blase. Klein does a great job differentiating her views from Wolf’s (they are nothing like one another) while exploring how Wolf, who used to be known as The Feminist, fell so far to the point of doing anti-vax, COVID-conspiracy interviews on FOX News. Most importantly, I’d forgotten (or hadn’t realized) that Naomi Wolf was the writer in question during this interview, which has haunted me for years.
[nonfiction, celebrity memoir, written by a white american actress and stand-up comedian, read by the author, shorter listen]

If You Can’t Take the Heat: Tales of Food, Feminism, and Fury by Geraldine DeRuiter (2024) | Quick summary: A series of food essays written by Geraldine DeRuiter.
I’ll be honest. After reading DeRuiter’s tweets about how the NYT took her down, I wanted to read this book.

I’m kind of a bitch, so I was simultaneously annoyed because the New York Times can fuck off and also curious because I hated DeRuiter’s essay, “I Made the Pizza Cinnamon Rolls from Mario Batali’s Sexual Misconduct Apology Letter,” for which she won a James Beard Award. I find that style of writing - Pissed Off White Woman Realizes Things Are Bad - to be among the worst and even with my willingness to give a pass because we were all so fucking mad then (and now, but like, it’s different), I think it’s a really bad piece of writing. So I went into her book thinking, yeah, they probably have it right over there at the genocide-loving NYT. But they were wrong. The Mario Batali essay, which is included here, is the weakest of the essays. I laughed out loud a lot; DeRuiter is funny. She knows food, is honest and vulnerable, and has a humorous outlook on life and food. I enjoyed this immensely.
[nonfiction, feminist theory, food and humor, written by a white american author, read by the author, medium-length listen]

Guest House for Young Widows: Among the Women of ISIS by Azadeh Moaveni (2019) | Quick summary: An account of thirteen women who joined, endured, and, in some cases, escaped life in the Islamic State.
I mean, clearly, by the title alone, this isn’t a light read, but it’s been on my to-be-read (TBR) forever, and you know I like to dip into my “earliest added” selections. (Thank you, Storygraph, for making that easy to do!) For as heavy as this subject is - the women of ISIS - I found myself not only completely engaged with the audiobook but entertained. I laughed! I find it fascinating, devastating, and significant that women who were recruited, inspired, or compelled to join the ISIS militants can be relatable to me in any way. But they were, and they are. We’re all trying to live with integrity, without fear of stigma or repression.
[nonfiction, sociology of marriage and family, african politics, written by an iranian-american journalist, writer, and academic, read by sarah agha, longer listen]

[What I recommend]

• If you’ve had a parent die: Healing the Adult Child’s Grieving Heart by Alan D. Wolfelt

If you’ve also been putting off reading it: The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks

Rebecca Skloot

• If you like spooky queer stories: Helen House by Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya
• If you’ve ever gotten Naomi Klein and Naomi Wolf mixed up: Doppelganger by Klein
• If you need a podcast: Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend has been entertaining me for a few months when I’m at my most bored, most sad, or most frustrated

“Tears are a natural cleansing and healing mechanism. It’s OK to cry. In fact, it’s good to cry when you feel like that. What’s more, tears are a form of mourning. They are sacred!” Healing the Adult Child’s Grieving Heart

“Falling in love was not really a choice; it just struck me.” Why We Love

“She didn’t even care what the movie was. For Gooz, she’d sit through a documentary on golf tournaments, if necessary.” Slam Book

“I have nothing that isn’t hers.” Places in the World a Woman Could Walk

“Not even particularly imaginative ones. My brain kept it simple: car crash after car crash after car crash.” Helen House

“‘Artists are never appreciated at lunchtime,’ Kelly mumbled as she stuffed her camera into her pocket.” Melissa

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