November 2023, gnomevember
a gnome's favorite month
There’s a scene, or rather a line, in the movie Lady Bird (2017) that I think about all the time. I rarely feel ~seen~, but the first time I watched this movie, I had tears in my eyes the whole movie, which finally fell wet on my cheeks when Lady Bird came upon her best friend crying and asked her why. She responds, “Some people aren’t built happy, you know?”
If I was built happy, I wasn’t provided with the resources, security, systems, or support it takes to keep a person happy. It’s one of the reasons I take 1.5 tablets of Zoloft every morning, and it’s one of the reasons I enjoy ending my night with half a joint and a mug of tea whenever possible or probable. It’s one of the reasons I read books, that’s for damn sure, and it’s one of the reasons I’ve become so anti-holiday in my adulthood.
There is nothing like soaking up time with the people you love—I understand holidays on that level. But it’s weird and hard for me to imagine celebrating certain holidays, namely Thanksgiving, with the cultural awareness and context I have been provided throughout my life. Especially(?) this year, when our country is complicit in and encouraging genocide right out loud.
I don’t blame, or fault people who love to decorate their houses and spend a bunch of money on shit people don’t really want or need—there’s a version of me out there that still exists. But as someone who grew up highly aware of the stress my mother would feel around the holiday season because of the expectation of spending a lot of money and creating magic for her four kids, I’m done forcing traditions and events that feel stressful. The expectation for everything to be aesthetically pleasing, food to be complex and delicious, your social calendar to be packed to the brim, and the money to afford presents to be gifted like they were plucked from trees—it’s too much, and to me, it’s not enjoyable. So I don’t do it anymore. I genuinely don’t celebrate or even acknowledge Thanksgiving anymore, and I think I’m close to getting there with Christmas.
That said, I am going into December with the goal of reading just fun, Hallmark-y Christmas stories because I may hate unrealistic expectations and refuse to ignore humanity’s pleas but I still love to be cold and cozy with a heartwarming book.
And here’s what I read in November.
[Books I read]
If You Would Have Told Me by John Stamos (2023) | Quick summary: Uncle Jesse wrote a memoir.
I tend to publish my celebrity memoir deep-dives as subscribers only, but I’m too lazy to do that this time. The truth is, I didn’t hate this book like I hated Matthew Perry’s (RIP, my beloved, I’m really happy you got your story out there, even if I didn’t like it) or even Elliot Page’s (bad!), but I did not like it! I did something I never usually do and bought this book (that’s not the new part) and started to read it with my eyes, but my audiobook hold came in from the library, so I ditched the physical book and just looked at the pictures before putting it on my shelf. I don’t buy every book I read (thank god), but even if I didn’t like it, I want to own this one. When I alphabetized it with my small collection of celebrity memoirs, I was touched to place him right after Saget, his brother. My family.
[nonfiction, celebrity memoir, written by an american actor and musician, shorter read]
Yellowface by R.F. Kuang (2023) | Quick summary: When her more popular and more interesting friend dies suddenly in front of her, June snoops around, steals, and begins to edit and re-write the stolen manuscript.
This is a buzzy book I’d heard a lot of vague opinions about since it came out earlier this year, and boy, was it worth the wait. I’m a fiction girlie at heart and this was definitely one of the most exciting literary fiction reads I enjoyed this year. R.F. Kuang is an engaging writer who doesn’t seem to typecast herself because Babel sounds nothing like Yellowface. I still feel deep pangs of cringe when I think about certain parts of this novel—brilliant. One of my notes simply reads, “I love a twitter-ass book,” and I really do.
[literary fiction, written by a chinese american award-winning, bestselling author, medium-length read]
Adult Drama: And Other Essays by Natalie Beach (2023) | Quick summary: Internet ghoul Caroline Calloway’s former friend and ghostwriter writes a book of essays.
Y’all know how I love when books feel like they’re dating each other. I think we should organize books not using the Dewey Decimal System but instead just a system of vibes, and if we did, Adult Drama would sit somewhere near Yellowface. That is not to compliment Beach’s writing, which doesn’t hold a candle in the wind to Kuang’s, but rather, the content is deeply rooted in toxic friendships…between two writers…neither of whom is all that enviable…Among the many differences between Adult Drama and Yellowface is that race is only a focus in Beach’s essays when she’s acknowledging her and her former best friend’s white, well-off, pretty privilege, and it’s not much of a commentary otherwise. Maybe it’s just me that marries these two very different books together because I was Very Online back when it was fun to be Very Online, in those days of good twitter and inside jokes and Caroline Calloway is someone people only know if they are or were Very Online. Natalie Beach is a name we vaguely recognize but only really know as it relates to Calloway herself. Beach’s book of essays isn’t terrible, but it’s not very good. She’s at her best when she’s writing about Calloway, which is certainly not something I’d take as a compliment.
[nonfiction essays, memoir, written by an american “essayist, screenwriter, amateur handyman, and feminist killjoy,” short read]
People Person by Candice Carty-Williams (2022) | Quick summary: Five estranged siblings unite and bond over the incident that keeps giving.
Carty-Williams also wrote Queenie, which I enjoyed but less than the rave reviews suggested I should. But People Person is my Queenie. From the opening lines, I was hooked. I love fiction novels that explore familial relationships, ones that expand multi-generations, and ones that go deep on dysfunction. While People Person takes place in one timeline with one family, it manages to nail that multi-generational epic feel as we follow Cyrus and his five children from four different baby mamas. Cyrus has a charm about him that makes him not necessarily lovable to his children but tolerable—when he shows up, that is. This isn’t Cyrus’s story though; it’s the story of five estranged siblings coming together, growing up, and realizing their mothers and lack of a father won’t keep them from being what they are—real siblings. As a person with one sibling who shares a different dad than my own, the rejection and villainization of the use of “half-sister” and “half-brother” was a gift and a smile every time it came up. To me, there’s just no such thing.
[literary fiction, written by a Black british writer, medium-length read]
My Brain is Different: Stories of ADHD and Other Developmental Disorders by Monzūsū (2022) | Quick summary: A manga collection featuring nine stories of people discovering their developmental disorder and learning the best ways to navigate a world not built with them in mind.
I dabble in graphic novels and manga, but this one was inspired by my ol’ favorite Book Riot Challenge 2023. I’m down to my last two or three challenges as we creep toward the end of the year. This one fulfilled the prompt, “read a comic or graphic novel that features disability representation,” though only after logging this manga did I realize I’d fulfilled that one already. Oh, well because this was a wonderful, rich read that made me think of many people in my life I love dearly. It’s a good, eye-opening explanation of common developmental disorders and conditions and hopefully makes many people feel less alone.
[nonfiction manga, written and illustrated by an author i can’t find much about, medium-length read]
[Books I heard]
If You Would Have Told Me by John Stamos (2023) | Quick summary: Uncle Jesse wrote a memoir, and he reads it too!
See above, but I did both listen and read, so I wanted to put it here, too. If you’re going to pick this up at all, I highly recommend hearing him read it because his voice is the best part. The Full House stuff is great, rich, and honest. His relationships with Dave Coulier and Bob Saget have shaped me as a person—my dads. Hearing Stamos detail how he heard about Saget’s death brought me to tears and still makes me cry thinking about it. This book, like I mentioned above, isn’t that great but the pieces of it that mean something to me are shiny and good.
[nonfiction, celebrity memoir, written by an american actor and musician, shorter read, read by the author]
My Name is Barbra by Barbra Streisand (2023) | Quick summary: The epic memoir of the one-and-only Barbra Streisand.
Wow, wow, wow. Which is something Streisand herself says a lot while she’s reading her masterpiece of a book. “Wow.” You’ve gotta be a Barbra Streisand fan, I think, to enjoy this one. That may seem obvious, but I have considered that this memoir serves as her life story but is also a great deep dive into Hollywood in the era of Marlon Brando, Elliott Gould, and, well, Barbra Streisand. Movie stuff, music stuff, a deep-dive into producing, directing, and soundtracks—it’s all here and then some. The tradeoff with the audiobook is that you don’t get photos but rather soundbites of her musical performances—which was more special to me. I am in awe that she read this, all 48 hours of it, and it sounded like she could have kept going. Some highlights from my notes throughout this excursion of Streisand’s life:
- her mother, oof!
- wow, she has dated some Men
- she’s very sweet with her son
- this girl loves the fucking Clintons
- I’m not sure if I even need to see Yentl after like six chapters about it
- Streisand doesn’t get the credit she’s due
Hear me out on that last one—she’s extremely famous for singing, and maybe even for acting too. When you look up performer in the dictionary, you’ll find her picture and all of that. But what about her directing? Streisand can do it all and, though I’ve yet to see a movie she’s directed (will remedy that!), I find myself annoyed that I never knew her experience of sexism and discrimination as a female director. It may have been the most interesting part of her whole memoir for me and boy do I wish she’d not only not been snubbed for Yentl in 1983 but had won. To be born into a place where women were already out here winning Best Director would have had an impact on me and my entertainment-lovers heart.
[nonfiction, celebrity memoir, written by an american singer, actress, and director, a very long read, read by the author]
[What I recommend]
If you spent a lot of time on twitter, have an interest in the publishing world, are a writer, or any of the above: Yellowface by R.F. Kuang
If you love a good sibling story: People Person by Candice Carty-Williams
If you’re a Babs fan: My Name is Barbra by Barbra Streisand
If you are a stupid loyal fan who won’t let his memoir ruin your image of him: If You Would Have Told Me by John Stamos
