October 2023, spooky, scary, dangerous

So few things scare me. I could fall asleep to The Shining and have sweet dreams all night. I watched Hereditary in the dark, cozy under a blanket during lockdown. What gives me shivers up my spine is less of the skeletal/ghost scare, probably one of the reasons I enjoy but do not fear “spooky season.”

The Seattle Police Department scares me. They have been under federal oversight since 2012, when a long investigation found that they “routinely used excessive force.” At least two SPD cops were on Capitol grounds in DC on January 6, 2021, which was no surprise because they’d spent the previous year harassing citizens, lying to everyone, cowering from the masses, killing Black people, providing propaganda to the media, and ultimately bullying their way back into their stupid little police station during the 2020 protests and inception of CHOP/CHAZ. Right now, there are signs all around the city with the quote, "She's dead. It's a regular person…just write a check, $11,000, she was 26 anyway, she had limited value.” Words spoken by a still-employed SPD cop regarding a fellow SPD cop killing a young person by driving too fast in his too-big vehicle.

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A few weeks ago, my brother, who is no stranger to the discriminatory practices of cops in general, nonetheless these fucking guys, was detained as he was walking to the gas station to get a gatorade before work. It was before 6 in the morning and an innocent excursion within his own city block, yet within a matter of minutes, three (an excessive number!) cops detained him, pointed their guns at his innocent body, and made him kneel on the wet, autumn ground. Why? "He matched the description of someone they were looking for” for an undisclosed crime that certainly hadn’t happened. Nothing came of it, and he went to work like usual, as is expected of Black and other people of color who are threatened by a traumatic experience simply by choosing to be in public.

He’s okay, but I’m pissed. I’ve thought about this moment every day since he told me casually over lunch a few weeks ago. The deep unfairness of the reality of Black and brown people navigating not just this country but the world shapes me. The past few weeks have been absolutely crushing; not only the massive loss of life in Palestine and Israel but the conversation around it, the propaganda around it, the misguided takes from people who have clearly never considered how it feels to be assumed about, judged, tortured, harassed, and killed for your racial identity.

Everything—the horror, the deep racism, the discrimination, the critical need to take power from the powerful—is very close to home.

Fuck the police.

Here’s what I read in October, where I tried for a spooky theme that quickly was taken over by the huge celebrity memoirs that came out last month.

[Books I read]

The Grimrose Girls by Laura Pohl (2021) | Quick summary: When their best friend dies at school, a group of friends are determined to prove it was a murder.
I wanted to love this, but I never fully got into it. The Grimrose Girls follows a pretty typical story arc but with the welcome addition of gender and sexual fluidity. I liked the characters, but it felt a bit too youthful to me; I would have loved it as a teenager. It gives Harry Potter meets Gossip Girl, a show I never watched but might one day! I also had a hard time not calling this book “the Gilmore girls.” What I loved most about this book came from the acknowledgments.

“To everyone who lost someone in the past year—friends, family, loved ones: You’re allowed to grieve. You’re allowed to shake the world for it.”

[fiction, YA, mystery-thriller, written by a queer brazilian new york times best-selling author, long read]

The Discomfort of Evening by Marieke Lucas Rijneveld (2018) | Quick summary: Her life and family’s future take a tragic turn when Jas’s brother dies and she and her siblings develop a curiosity about death.
As most of you know, I’ve been reading a lot of grief-related books this year, and with The Discomfort of Evening, I thought I’d take a fictional route. I wholly believe fiction can teach us and make us feel as well as nonfiction can. The Discomfort of Evening is one of the better books about grief I read, likely because it is fiction and the author isn’t afraid to go to weird, dark places as our protagonist works through her brother's death. In real life, Rijneveld’s brother died when he was 12, and they don’t shy away from discussing it in interviews.

“There are only two responses to the death of a child, Rijneveld says: either it draws a family closer or rips them apart. So what happened in their own family? ‘I have to think about the answer to that…’ Rijneveld says solemnly. ‘No, it hasn’t torn us apart, but all the relationships changed.’

Excellent novel with fantastic writing.
[psychological fiction, written by a queer dutch writer, translated from dutch by Michele Hutchinson, medium-length read]

The Binti Series: Binti, Home, and The Night Masquerade by Nnedi Okorafor (2015-2018) | Quick summary: Binti leaves Earth to attend a prestigious university in space, the first of her kind to do so.
My pal Matt passed this trilogy collection of novellas to me, which is a pretty sure-fire way to ensure I’ll read something. It may take me a while, but if you are physically handing me a book, I am going to read it! The Binti Series is more sci-fi than I tend to read, but it’s also a bit out of the box for Matt, so I thought I’d join him in pushing myself outside the typical fare. I fell in deep like with Binti, her family, and her friends. A traditional story—hero leaves home, adventures are had—Binti’s whole deal is different because a lot of it is in space with non-human characters. The first novella starts with a bang and stays interesting the whole time. Great read, and you can find them all in one book!
[sci-fi, africanfuturism, space opera, written by a naijamerican writer of science fiction and fantasy, long read if you do it all at once]

The Woman in Me by Britney Spears (2023) | Quick summary: The memoir of the queen of pop.
I am going to paywall my feelings about Britney Spears’s memoir—it deserves its own post. But I’ll say here that I loved it; I hate Justin Timberlake. Spears’s ghostwriter did a great job and good for Colin Farrell. And yes, I will be listening to the audio version as soon as my library hold comes in. White Michelle Williams is a precious soul, perfectly matched to read Spears.
[nonfiction, memoir, written by an american pop star and casual actress, short read]

[Books I heard]

Sin Bravely: My Great Escape from Evangelical Hell by Maggie Rowe (2017) | Quick summary: One woman’s story about finding the middle ground between being a good christian and having a good life.
I picked this up (from my ‘to-be'-read’ pile) because it is spooky season, and religion is fucking terrifying. I enjoyed this deeply, and it actually isn’t really about someone falling out of their faith as much as someone desperately trying to commit to their religion, but she just has so many questions. Rowe is a hilarious writer and narrator, and I thoroughly enjoyed this, though as a reminder, I am a person who truly has no religious trauma or even any religious experiences, so it was a light read for me!
[nonfiction, memoir, religious humor, written by an american writer and performer, long read, read by the author]

Worthy by Jada Pinkett Smith (2023) | Quick summary: The memoir of actress Jada Pinkett-Smith.
I will also be paywalling this memoir, but I thoroughly enjoyed listening to it, and it’s a long one. Hearing 15 hours of a soothing voice I’ve loved for 30 years was a gift, even though I was sometimes bored. I was also surprised at times, and I wept, I cringed, and I beamed with pride. It’s a great memoir from a strong and beautiful person.
[nonfiction, memoir, written by a multifaceted american artist and writer, long listen, read by the author]

[What I recommend]

• If you like to go to fucked up places: The Discomfort of Evening by Marieke Lucas Rijneveld
• If you like sci-fi, gender expression, and thinking outside of the box: The Binti Trilogy by Nnedi Okorafor
• If you like celebrity memoirs and being a part of the discourse: Worthy by Jada Pinkett Smith and Woman in Me by Britney Spears
• Not being friends with cops
• Thinking critically
• Doing your research

Be gentle with yourself as we wade into the holiday season.

“She’d always felt like she was right in the middle between her father and her mother, belonging to neither.” Grimrose Girls

"‘Yes, she'll grow out of it;’ Dad said. But I won't grow out of it - I'm actually growing into it and getting stuck, and no one will notice.” The Discomfort of Evening

“You're letting us two little munchkins handle this huge snake ...?” The Woman in Me

“…though I felt calmer my rage stayed, and I was glad.” Binti: The Night Masquerade

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