September 2021, and the rain's finally here
If you’re a romance fan: you’ve gotta get into Jasmine Guillory’s collection. I enjoyed While We Were Dating, though it wasn’t my number one from her. If you’re a romance fan, I guess you might as well pick up Emily Henry’s People We Meet on Vacation as well.
A few months ago, my last living grandparent, the only one I knew, died. “We're not close," is what I've reported about our relationship throughout the entirety of my life until having distanced-outdoor-coffee with a friend when I explained, "people say 'we weren't close,' but what it means is ‘she didn't like me.’"
Family lore gives me a few key stories that describe who I am that happen to be in relation to my grandmother, like when she pointedly told me something I thought was wrong and I stated, '“this is my opinion, and ‘opinions cannot be wrong.’” I was seven years old. There's another one about my grandmother suggesting I was or would become fat as I scarfed down my oatmeal “too quickly” at four. These are the stories about me and my grandmother that I've carried with me, and though I believe them to be true, I wish I had a plethora to choose from. I only know those and the ones that shine a light on the negligent side of her, which presented itself throughout her identity as a mother. I find myself more curious than ever about who she was as a person rather than who she was as a mother.
I did find someone to talk to, who knew her way back when, and who knew my mom too. He said they both have the kind of personality to “take a bull by its horns.” He said, “if she was in the Wild West in the middle of the 1800s, she would be the first to draw out the guns and shoot you.” He laughed, “no hesitations."
In that blip of information, I learned that my grandmother was tough and thankless, quick to the draw, and fiery, just like my mother. Just like the parts of me I’ve tried to tamper down for most of my adult life.
I have long felt a disconnect from the concept of family that I've credited mostly to being biracial — it is confusing for us — but it's bigger than that. I’m not clear on what yet, but I am clear on my precious reading leading the way to help me understand.
To family, and to my grandmother's spirit. May it find what it was always looking for.
Here’s what I read this September.
[Books I Read]
While We Were Dating by Jasmine Guillory, published 2021 | Quick summary: Movie star Anna falls for marketer Ben in another classic Guillory connected-rom/com.
I can’t go wrong with Jasmine! In her latest, we meet Anna and Ben, the brother of Theo, who we get to know in The Wedding Party. I think next year I’ll read all of Guillory’s books again to have a proper ranking but I liked this. I do have one major romance novel or “romcom” complaint — why do writers always get so…name-call-y between partners? There’s lots of lines like, “finish that beer, asshole, and as soon as we get back to my suite, I’m going to hold you to that.” I do not find that sexy and it’s rampant in these books! Stop calling people “asshole” as way of flirting!
[romance novel, fiction, written by a Black American cis woman, medium length but easy read]
People We Meet on Vacation by Emily Henry, published 2021 | Quick summary: Best friends from college Poppy and Alex have become a bit estranged and try to rekindle their friendship by taking one of their famous Summer Trips.
For some reason, a lot of people have a lot to say about Emily Henry’s novels. Having only read this one (I’ll get to Beach Read next summer), I don’t feel the need to weigh in because I didn’t see anything glaringly wrong with this particular story. I wasn’t thrilled and delighted by it, but I didn’t hate it either. Though I am nothing like Poppy (an influencer who travels and has cozy, loving parents) and Alex is nothing like the person I’m about to talk about, this particular story did remind me of a very close friendship I had with someone in my early 20s. We had a falling out mainly due to jealousy, envy, loyalty, confusion, and lots of sexual tension — nbd, not a lot to juggle at once — but rekindled our friendship later. We’re old now and both in our different lives but reading this novel made me miss him and that friendship in a more tangible way than I’ve felt in quite some time, and I guess credit goes to Henry for that.
[romance novel, fiction, written by a white American cis woman, medium length read]
Afterparties: Stories by Anthony Veasna So, published 2021 | Quick summary: A collection of stories that mostly center around the lives and experiences of Cambodian-Americans.
It’s incredibly upsetting to read a new collection of stories from someone who has very recently and devastatingly died. I was immediately taken by So’s writing style, which came with a mixture of awe, grief, and curiosity. Rich characters, stories, and scenarios that have the ability to make me feel is rare in anything these does, but particularly a short story collection. It’s been many months since I have felt taken by a book in my hands and this one did the trick. So was an exceptional writer. I’m so sorry he died.
[stories, queer literary fiction, written by a Khmer-American man, medium length read, posthumous release]
[Books I Heard]
Stranger Care: A Memoir of Loving What Isn't Ours by Sarah Sentilles, published 2021 | Quick summary: One family’s experience trying to adopt an infant from foster care, and what they learn through the harsh reality of what constitutes family and love.
This memoir is a pretty realistic depiction of getting licensed to adopt from foster care if you are a cis, straight white couple. I listened with reservation because I have a hard time with foster and potential or officially adoptive families being centered rather than the biological parents or the adoptee themselves. That being said, this was incredibly candid and, as aforementioned, realistic as far as the process and the emotions of this process go. I do not fault Sentilles for her honesty and I'm glad this memoir exists because it's something I can now point to to help people understand.
[memoir, adoption, foster care, nonfiction, written by a white American cis woman, longer listen, read by the author]
Let's Talk About Hard Things by Anna Sale, published 2021 | Quick summary: Sale breaks down how to have conversations about five of the toughest subjects — death, sex, money, family, and identity.
I’m not the biggest podcast person, but if I was, I’m pretty sure I’d listen to Sale’s. I’m assuming I came across her name through the Bad With Money podcast, one I used to listen to pretty regularly and have since fallen off of, but listening to this book didn’t inspire me to rush out and catch up on Sale’s. I’m very interested in the conversations we societally do not like having, largely because I’m pretty bad at most of them, and this book was a good collection of personal stories that remind me I am not alone in being cripplingly bad at discussing…anything. More personal stories than straight up advice, which is exactly what I was seeking.
[nonfiction, kind of memoir, personal story collection, kind of self-help, written by a white American cis woman, longer listen, read by the author]
Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life by Steve Martin, published 2017 | Quick summary: Steve Martin talks about his comedy start, his experience with stand-up, and why he left.
It’s Steve Martin, baby! I don’t remember which bit of shitty September I declared I needed to just listen to a soothing voice, but around then, I put Born Standing Up on hold at my local library. This is a shortie — only four hours of Steve Martin’s beautiful, calming voice — but did the trick for me. Not to mention, discovering that Steve Martin really didn’t get into any drugs or booze while coming up in the stand-up world has warmed my little heart. When I was in high school, I earnestly wore (and loved!) a shirt that read, “hugs not drugs” and just have a lot of respect for a comedian (in the 70s!) who managed to get high once and say, you know what? No thanks. It’s less about me being anti-drug these days and more about giving young Jess a win. Not everyone needs dangerous coping mechanisms. Steve just wants to make people laugh.
[celebrity memoir, nonfiction, written by a white American cis man, short listen, read by the author]
[What I Recommend]
Everyone should read: Afterparties: Stories by Anthony Veasna So
If you’re a romance fan: you’ve gotta get into Jasmine Guillory’s collection. I enjoyed While We Were Dating, though it wasn’t my number one from her. If you’re a romance fan, I guess you might as well pick up Emily Henry’s People We Meet on Vacation as well.
If you want to know what I do at work all day long: Stranger Care by Sarah Sentilles
If you like to laugh and love Steve Martin and/or find comfort in this man and other nostalgic figures from your childhood: Born Standing Up by Steve Martin
Have a safe and cozy October. Read a book!
